here i am, with my stomach in a knot for the men's short track speed skating, both Canadian brothers in the final.
speed skating? wtf?!
how did this happen?
what's next? ice "dancing"? (the Canadians are the favourites...)
~
In reality: maybe this is why I'm hooked? they say they lure "casual viewers" by putting sports like snowboarding at the beginning of the games...i think the crazy IOC tactics have worked on me. am i still a sucker if i know i'm being played?
2/15/10
winter games
while buying the Mario & Sonic winter olympics game for the wii...
me: for people who don't really watch the Olympics, here we are buying an Olympic game
bob: i watch the Olympics...i just don't invest myself in it emotionally.
~
In reality: Canada's 1st gold
me: for people who don't really watch the Olympics, here we are buying an Olympic game
bob: i watch the Olympics...i just don't invest myself in it emotionally.
~
In reality: Canada's 1st gold
2/11/10
non-wedding blog
i don't want this to become a wedding blog.
and until now i refrained from mentioning anything wedding-related on here.
except that this is (one of) my outlet(s) for talking things out of my head and so if this happens to be about *a* wedding, then it is what it is.
it started with wanting to throw a good party to celebrate our union.
that's all. nothing more, nothing less.
okay, maybe something more.
after over a decade of togetherness bob proposed.
needless to say i was a bit shocked (and in a hot air balloon over turkey so thankfully shocked enough to be frozen to the basket).
after years of talking about all the reasons we did not want to have a wedding (it wasn't the "getting married" part, because really, weren't we already? it was the "having a wedding" bit).
later that day we drank wine in bed in the middle of the afternoon, in our underwear, munching on pistachios, talking about how we ended up with this decision.
let's throw a great shindig with fantastic food, drink, family and friends, with a wedding thrown in for good measure, we said.
let's do a lot of it ourselves, we said.
let's keep it recycled and local, we said.
let's try and keep the budget down, but the good times up, we said.
let's try to keep it small, despite our huge families (one being Italian), we said.
let's come back here (to Turkey) to get hitched, we said.
no Italy! the Cinque Terre! we said.
or Algonquin Park, we said!
people who really want to be there will find a way, we said.
who is most important anyway? we asked.
our immediate families would find a way to be there, we said.
with idealistic dreams of fantasy wedding parties (probably from too much wine before dinner) we feel asleep for a nap. i remember waking up wondering whether i had just dreamed the better part of that morning.
upon returning to Canada, and our pact to let our families know the exciting news via postcards (which happened to arrive 2 weeks after our return, heh), dreams got shot out the window.
Turkey? Italy? too expensive for our family to travel to. too difficult for our sisters with their families and children. Algonquin Park? mum (mine) was adamant about "not camping". although we assured her she would not have to sleep in a tent on our wedding weekend, the other option was upscale resort.
beautiful, but too expensive. (and too dirty dancing-ish, in my opinion).
third best option: Toronto Island. yes!
perfect for us. very "us".
where we go to get out of the city and yet be in it at the same time.
we spend a lot of time out there in the summer, why not get hitched there?
still kicked up a bit of sand from mum, who is, i found out, not only adamant about not camping, but dislikes: rain, bugs, dirt, sand, cold...sky, sun, grass, generally anything to do with the outdoors, it seems.
regardless, it was a good compromise.
let's do it. but who do we invite? what's our budget?
and there it was, it had begun.
just as non-traditional as we had hoped and yet traditional planning with a traditional guest list.
we have too many invitees. but we can't cross any of them off.
family we know well, but don't see very often.
friends who we feel we need to invite, but really? how many of them are actually our friends? when we ask these friends to hang out or help us out, how many actually answer the call?
our catering budget has gone out the window.
ideas are being sacrificed.
i told bob i no longer wanted this wedding.
he said, i hear you. you don't want to get married.
but no, that's not it. not at all.
nothing would make me happier than marrying you.
my love, my soul mate, my best friend of more than 10 years!
i would be honoured to be your wife.
but the whole wedding bit? what were we thinking?
and until now i refrained from mentioning anything wedding-related on here.
except that this is (one of) my outlet(s) for talking things out of my head and so if this happens to be about *a* wedding, then it is what it is.
it started with wanting to throw a good party to celebrate our union.
that's all. nothing more, nothing less.
okay, maybe something more.
after over a decade of togetherness bob proposed.
needless to say i was a bit shocked (and in a hot air balloon over turkey so thankfully shocked enough to be frozen to the basket).
after years of talking about all the reasons we did not want to have a wedding (it wasn't the "getting married" part, because really, weren't we already? it was the "having a wedding" bit).
later that day we drank wine in bed in the middle of the afternoon, in our underwear, munching on pistachios, talking about how we ended up with this decision.
let's throw a great shindig with fantastic food, drink, family and friends, with a wedding thrown in for good measure, we said.
let's do a lot of it ourselves, we said.
let's keep it recycled and local, we said.
let's try and keep the budget down, but the good times up, we said.
let's try to keep it small, despite our huge families (one being Italian), we said.
let's come back here (to Turkey) to get hitched, we said.
no Italy! the Cinque Terre! we said.
or Algonquin Park, we said!
people who really want to be there will find a way, we said.
who is most important anyway? we asked.
our immediate families would find a way to be there, we said.
with idealistic dreams of fantasy wedding parties (probably from too much wine before dinner) we feel asleep for a nap. i remember waking up wondering whether i had just dreamed the better part of that morning.
upon returning to Canada, and our pact to let our families know the exciting news via postcards (which happened to arrive 2 weeks after our return, heh), dreams got shot out the window.
Turkey? Italy? too expensive for our family to travel to. too difficult for our sisters with their families and children. Algonquin Park? mum (mine) was adamant about "not camping". although we assured her she would not have to sleep in a tent on our wedding weekend, the other option was upscale resort.
beautiful, but too expensive. (and too dirty dancing-ish, in my opinion).
third best option: Toronto Island. yes!
perfect for us. very "us".
where we go to get out of the city and yet be in it at the same time.
we spend a lot of time out there in the summer, why not get hitched there?
still kicked up a bit of sand from mum, who is, i found out, not only adamant about not camping, but dislikes: rain, bugs, dirt, sand, cold...sky, sun, grass, generally anything to do with the outdoors, it seems.
regardless, it was a good compromise.
let's do it. but who do we invite? what's our budget?
and there it was, it had begun.
just as non-traditional as we had hoped and yet traditional planning with a traditional guest list.
we have too many invitees. but we can't cross any of them off.
family we know well, but don't see very often.
friends who we feel we need to invite, but really? how many of them are actually our friends? when we ask these friends to hang out or help us out, how many actually answer the call?
our catering budget has gone out the window.
ideas are being sacrificed.
i told bob i no longer wanted this wedding.
he said, i hear you. you don't want to get married.
but no, that's not it. not at all.
nothing would make me happier than marrying you.
my love, my soul mate, my best friend of more than 10 years!
i would be honoured to be your wife.
but the whole wedding bit? what were we thinking?
1/31/10
things my boyfriend says too
i used to read this site--things my boyfriend says--religiously, and laugh my ass off because my man often comes up with one liners that are so randomly hilarious, like this
and once i even challenged the author to pit our boys' words against each other's in a super- mega boyfriend says blog...yes, i can hear myself laughing now.
but then, often, in non-hilarious ways and with sage-like precision, in the midst of semi-deep conversation, bob says stuff to stop my tangential rants
i love shower talks
today, i was ranting while i was showering and bob was listening to me, as usual
i think i was talking about not knowing my beliefs--my confusion about my own sureness.
and without missing my beat, he says:
"the people who are absolutely sure in their beliefs--about everything--are usually wrong"
and once i even challenged the author to pit our boys' words against each other's in a super- mega boyfriend says blog...yes, i can hear myself laughing now.
but then, often, in non-hilarious ways and with sage-like precision, in the midst of semi-deep conversation, bob says stuff to stop my tangential rants
i love shower talks
today, i was ranting while i was showering and bob was listening to me, as usual
i think i was talking about not knowing my beliefs--my confusion about my own sureness.
and without missing my beat, he says:
"the people who are absolutely sure in their beliefs--about everything--are usually wrong"
1/28/10
6:45am on the 501
the weight of the world's catastrophes and nuances is an unsettling burden to bear--and difficult at times.
i remember being 20 and thinking i was all alone.
and all i had to do was talk and find out that i wasn't fucked up--i was thinking everybody else's thoughts.
i used to think thoughts got easier as you got older (ah, the blissfulness of ignorance) but now i see it cycles in tens.
with each decade some new weight sits there, lending itself to the hunchbacked bitter old hag i will become.
so, now?
the thinking more intense.
because the knowing exists.
~
Music to my (early morning) ears: nascent state - a diary of blurry feet
i remember being 20 and thinking i was all alone.
and all i had to do was talk and find out that i wasn't fucked up--i was thinking everybody else's thoughts.
i used to think thoughts got easier as you got older (ah, the blissfulness of ignorance) but now i see it cycles in tens.
with each decade some new weight sits there, lending itself to the hunchbacked bitter old hag i will become.
so, now?
the thinking more intense.
because the knowing exists.
~
Music to my (early morning) ears: nascent state - a diary of blurry feet
1/25/10
the few days i have off in between work shifts are always studded with various random errands and pre-planned activities, and then the days that i do nothing for a few hours, i feel are wasted.
so sad.
i am highly anticipating a grand change in twentyten.
because twentyten just sounds so grand...or so old--like a grandfather clock-- depending on my level of optimism for the day.
~
Music to my ears: 65daysofstatic
so sad.
i am highly anticipating a grand change in twentyten.
because twentyten just sounds so grand...or so old--like a grandfather clock-- depending on my level of optimism for the day.
~
Music to my ears: 65daysofstatic
1/13/10
contemplating the move
tyya, in her favourite spot
i feel no sense of community here.
maybe i have a skewed definition of community.
maybe i have different values than my friends.
maybe i have no friends?
maybe that is because i have different values or define "community" differently.
i'm looking forward to a change. to a fresh start.
i was ambivalent at first. moving across the country is a huge decision.
frightening, even. but exciting as well.
the gears are in motion.
2010 will be a bit of a different year.
it's about time.
In other horrific news: Haitian disaster
1/7/10
band plug
a cheap music show in toronto? can it be?
oh yes.
come see nascent state open for induced labour, lan party, women in tragedy at teranga african bar (159 august ave) on tuesday jan 12
4 bands, 3 dollars
click here for stillepost listing
1/2/10
happy 2010
2009. it's been a doozy.
i graduated university with a degree in nursing.
got a job on a neuro & trauma unit.
explored turkey for a couple of weeks.
got engaged in a hot air balloon over fairy mountains in goreme, cappadocia (central turkey)
wrote my RN exam...and passed.
played my first show as one half of nascent state.
added a link to the chain with a bike ride to niagara falls.
got a few camping trips in this summer and up to algonquin for thanksgiving to cook a bird over the fire.
witnessed the birth of my nephew, jackson philip.
that same day, tested for my 2nd degree black belt in karate...and was successful!
shortly after, experienced the death of my dear nonna.
here's to a new year.
salut!
12/23/09
conversations in a hospital #10
this is, by far, one of my most favourite patients ever.
a horribly sad story, she was almost killed by her brother and his girlfriend...they attempted murder and left her with a closed head injury, subdural hematoma, a gash in her neck so big that i'm surprised she's still alive, and ultimately a traumatic brain injury...
she has improved dramatically in the few months she's been here, but has gone between our trauma unit and the trauma/neuro ICU multiple times, near death, battling multiple infections, and the deepest pressure sores i have ever seen...
she is now eating and talking and moving, but is moody, sometimes agitated, sometimes tearful, confused as to place and time and generally everything, but i am sure that she has brief moments of lucidity...and she's just funny as all hell sometimes...
~
on initial assessment, trying to locate the pt's feet under a gazillion blankets:
me: where are your feet?
pt: i usually like to find them at the bottom of my ankles.
on the afterlife...
me: do you still talk to your mom?
pt: well she's dead, so it's a little difficult...of course, i still do sometimes
on italian heritage...
(which, by the way, she is not...but i am...and she seemed to be using random memories as her own experiences to share with me...too funny)
pt: i mean, how many pictures of an italian horse do i really need?
leaving the room:
pt: be careful!
me: why?
pt: it's crazy out there.
a horribly sad story, she was almost killed by her brother and his girlfriend...they attempted murder and left her with a closed head injury, subdural hematoma, a gash in her neck so big that i'm surprised she's still alive, and ultimately a traumatic brain injury...
she has improved dramatically in the few months she's been here, but has gone between our trauma unit and the trauma/neuro ICU multiple times, near death, battling multiple infections, and the deepest pressure sores i have ever seen...
she is now eating and talking and moving, but is moody, sometimes agitated, sometimes tearful, confused as to place and time and generally everything, but i am sure that she has brief moments of lucidity...and she's just funny as all hell sometimes...
~
on initial assessment, trying to locate the pt's feet under a gazillion blankets:
me: where are your feet?
pt: i usually like to find them at the bottom of my ankles.
on the afterlife...
me: do you still talk to your mom?
pt: well she's dead, so it's a little difficult...of course, i still do sometimes
on italian heritage...
(which, by the way, she is not...but i am...and she seemed to be using random memories as her own experiences to share with me...too funny)
pt: i mean, how many pictures of an italian horse do i really need?
leaving the room:
pt: be careful!
me: why?
pt: it's crazy out there.
12/14/09
you know you're a nurse when...
as i was sleeping off my night shift last night i began dreaming of intermittent catheters and giving myself an IMC...only to wake up and realize i had to pee like crazy.
12/4/09
the hipster reigns supreme
it was all mustaches and mohawks at the hip hop show
"do you think his one speed is in the tour van?" bob asks (re: eyedea of eyedea & abilities).
i believe the correct nomenclature is fixed gear.
~
Music to my ears: themselves - the free houdini
"do you think his one speed is in the tour van?" bob asks (re: eyedea of eyedea & abilities).
i believe the correct nomenclature is fixed gear.
~
Music to my ears: themselves - the free houdini
12/2/09
eulogy to my nonna
did you smile when you saw the light?
did you finally give in...or had you been waiting?
the bittersweet irony of choking on chicoria. oh irony, how i love you so.
you make life worth living (dying for?)
my sweet sweet nonna.
i cried.
but i'm not sure if it was because society tells us to cry at death.
because really, with any faith, should we not be celebrating life?
say hi to nonno.
R.I.P.
10/30/09
welcome, little one
to my dear little nephew, jackson philip, who entered this world on oct 29 at 4:45pm, weighing in at a hefty 5lbs 15oz (wee lil' guy):
welcome...i've been waiting to meet you
10/28/09
a conversation with mum
on days off, my ritual consists of sittin my ass on the couch with a coffee, reading email (well, if any of my 4 friends send me anything), catching up on my favourite blogs and sites, all the while on msn with mum, whose office life is anything but exciting...not that i'm any more exciting than her work environment, but we all need a little distraction in our lives...
so telling her about the lost ring and my thought of getting my wedding band tattooed on my finger (this isn't the first ring i've lost), she writes:
maybe you should hang them on a chain around your neck, you never lost your house key when you were a kid and it hung around your neck, lol
thanks, ma.
~
Music to my ears: Dead Confederate
In reality: this kid was my co-worker's brother's teammate and friend
(my rant on H1N1 is being formulated...more on that coming)
so telling her about the lost ring and my thought of getting my wedding band tattooed on my finger (this isn't the first ring i've lost), she writes:
maybe you should hang them on a chain around your neck, you never lost your house key when you were a kid and it hung around your neck, lol
thanks, ma.
~
Music to my ears: Dead Confederate
In reality: this kid was my co-worker's brother's teammate and friend
(my rant on H1N1 is being formulated...more on that coming)
10/24/09
ttc weather
when the weather starts to turn, i start to wuss out of riding my bike for transportation. the only thing i like about riding the ttc is listening to my ipod, reading a book, and occasionally looking up to people watch and make up stories about my fellow passengers...
==
his eyes tell the truth.
he loves you.
and even if you see it, you'll treat him like shit for years.
and yet his love--it's relentless.
he won't care when you hate yourself for putting on a few extra pounds.
he'll love you even more.
he will always see you. on the inside.
and no matter how much that scares you, it's real.
~
Music to my ears: minus the bear - highly refined pirates
In reality: F**ks**t
==
his eyes tell the truth.
he loves you.
and even if you see it, you'll treat him like shit for years.
and yet his love--it's relentless.
he won't care when you hate yourself for putting on a few extra pounds.
he'll love you even more.
he will always see you. on the inside.
and no matter how much that scares you, it's real.
~
Music to my ears: minus the bear - highly refined pirates
In reality: F**ks**t
10/21/09
mushin
as i prepare for my nidan level testing (2nd degree black belt) in Shotokan...a message from my hero:
10/15/09
gone. the ring is gone.
in a patient's bed linens? down the laundry chute?
in a latex glove, in the trash? down the garbage chute?
i may never know.
the ring that was given to me by the love of my life after 11 years of togetherness.
the ring that was so unexpected and wonderfully surprising and in such a beautiful place.
i haven't felt this terrible in a long long time.
"it's just a ring" he says.
what remains is a non-tanned strip of white skin on my ring finger and this photo:
i think i'm more upset with myself for 3 things.
1. for not getting the ring re-sized sooner, so it wouldn't fall off my finger.
2. for wearing it to work anyways.
3. for not noticing when and where it fell off.
i cried.
10/14/09
turkey on the campfire
Centennial Ridges trail, Algonquin Park
The Lookout trail, Algonquin Park
Centennial Ridges trail, Algonquin Park
Centennial Ridges trail, Algonquin Park
Mosley
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
