good food for good fortune

if you tried all of these wonderful food traditions from all over the world, are you then guaranteed atleast some good fortune in the new year? if you love food like i love food then it doesn't really matter. just eat.

spain & grapes - eat 12 grapes at midnight, one for each stroke of the clock. if any of them are sour, then that month will be no good. for example, if the 3rd grape you eat is yucky, then march will be yucky. make sure to swallow all grapes by midnight. if you're in peru, you can swallow a 13th grape for good measure.
(see also: portugal, venezuela, peru, cuba, mexico, ecuador)

greens - a common good fortune food across many cultures because the green represents moolah. the big buckaroos. sometimes folded. the more you eat, the more money you will receive in the new year. and the more you will have to be on the toilet, in my opinion.
(ie: germans-sauerkraut; danish-stewed kale; southern americans-collard greens)

legumes - also represents money. this time coins. beans, lentils and peas all swell when cooked, symbolizing financial gains.
(ie: brazil-lentil soup; japan-kuro-mame; southern us-hoppin' john)
usa's black-eyed pea symbolism (the main ingredient in hoppin' john) goes back to civil war era when some small town in virginia apparently ran out of food while under attack and discovered the bean(pea?). have considered it lucky ever since.

pork - swine signifies progress. who knew?
(see: cuba, spain, portugal, hungary, austria--all of whom eat a roast suckling pig)
(see also: germany-sausages; sweden-pigs' feet)
(see also: italy & usa who think the fat content is indicative of wealth and prosperity...of course they do.)

fish - apparently a very wise choice around the globe. my favourite reasons go to japan: herring roe for fertility, shrimp for longevity, and sardines for a good harvest.

cakes & baked goods - always a reason to consume cake. although with some cultures, the cake is a gamble.
(see: mexico & greece who hide a trinket in a cake. whoever bites into that trinket is the one who gets the good fortune of the new year. and perhaps a hefty dentist bill.)
(see also: sweden & norway who have cut down on broken teeth by putting an almond, which is indeed edible, in rice pudding for the same reason as the trinket in the cake.)

whatever you do, do NOT eat the following (in no particular order):

lobster - they move backwards, which could signify setbacks
chicken - they scratch backwards, which could cause regret or dwelling on the past
(see also: any winged fowl - your good luck could fly away)

happy 2007.

drinking tears of sleeping birds

this story title sounds like the title of a gwar song...or cannibal corpse...or one of those crazy death metal bands. haha. when you read the story, use gwar speak in your head...it makes the story really funny.

moths drink the tears of sleeping birds

yellow water

recycling pee in europe (where else?)

happy christmas eve

whirlwind 4 days in NYC.
tried my feet at chopsticks on the giant floor piano at fao schwarz a la tom hanks in big, c. 1988
are you jealous? you should be.

regulars at the bar

a conversation:

[irish bloke]: "you know what you need to do? take a hot bath, with candles...and oatmeal."
[me]: "oatmeal? i eat oatmeal."
"well, don't eat it, but i'm serious it's so good for your inside and your outside. your skin will be wonderful. and it's relaxing."
"oatmeal."
"don't forget the champagne."
"then i may really try and eat the oatmeal."
"no, no, don't eat it...now, what do you do when your car breaks down?"
"smack my hand on the steering wheel and curse."
"well, besides that."
"walk."
"no, no. you just leave it where it breaks down?"
"no. i get it fixed."
"exactly."
"and?"
"that's the whole philosophy of life. something's not working, you get it fixed and move on."

police reports

both my roommate and i work at bars.
we come in pretty late at night sometimes.
last night some guy followed my roommate home and tried to talk his way into our apartment.
around 5am i woke up to hear her talking loudly to someone from the top of the stairs.
this guy was claiming to be our neighbour, and needed something for a leaky water pipe that he said would leak into our apt...i don't think he realized that behind the door were stairs to the top floor, and there was nobody above us to be leaking water into our apt...nor did he realize that our only neighbour doesn't speak english.
nice try though, buddy.
standing at the top of the stairs we told him we couldn't help him and waited for him to leave. it's a frightening feeling to hear somebody waiting outside the door and wondering what they were going to do next--was he going to try and get in? or was he going to leave?
after what seemed like an eternity, i heard him going down the stairs and out the front door.
my roommate ran to the window and all she saw was a baseball cap and baggy pants walking up the sidestreet across the way.
i was definitely in fight or flight mode.
i thought for sure my heart would pop out of my chest.
scary stuff.