good food for good fortune

if you tried all of these wonderful food traditions from all over the world, are you then guaranteed atleast some good fortune in the new year? if you love food like i love food then it doesn't really matter. just eat.

spain & grapes - eat 12 grapes at midnight, one for each stroke of the clock. if any of them are sour, then that month will be no good. for example, if the 3rd grape you eat is yucky, then march will be yucky. make sure to swallow all grapes by midnight. if you're in peru, you can swallow a 13th grape for good measure.
(see also: portugal, venezuela, peru, cuba, mexico, ecuador)

greens - a common good fortune food across many cultures because the green represents moolah. the big buckaroos. sometimes folded. the more you eat, the more money you will receive in the new year. and the more you will have to be on the toilet, in my opinion.
(ie: germans-sauerkraut; danish-stewed kale; southern americans-collard greens)

legumes - also represents money. this time coins. beans, lentils and peas all swell when cooked, symbolizing financial gains.
(ie: brazil-lentil soup; japan-kuro-mame; southern us-hoppin' john)
usa's black-eyed pea symbolism (the main ingredient in hoppin' john) goes back to civil war era when some small town in virginia apparently ran out of food while under attack and discovered the bean(pea?). have considered it lucky ever since.

pork - swine signifies progress. who knew?
(see: cuba, spain, portugal, hungary, austria--all of whom eat a roast suckling pig)
(see also: germany-sausages; sweden-pigs' feet)
(see also: italy & usa who think the fat content is indicative of wealth and prosperity...of course they do.)

fish - apparently a very wise choice around the globe. my favourite reasons go to japan: herring roe for fertility, shrimp for longevity, and sardines for a good harvest.

cakes & baked goods - always a reason to consume cake. although with some cultures, the cake is a gamble.
(see: mexico & greece who hide a trinket in a cake. whoever bites into that trinket is the one who gets the good fortune of the new year. and perhaps a hefty dentist bill.)
(see also: sweden & norway who have cut down on broken teeth by putting an almond, which is indeed edible, in rice pudding for the same reason as the trinket in the cake.)

whatever you do, do NOT eat the following (in no particular order):

lobster - they move backwards, which could signify setbacks
chicken - they scratch backwards, which could cause regret or dwelling on the past
(see also: any winged fowl - your good luck could fly away)

happy 2007.

drinking tears of sleeping birds

this story title sounds like the title of a gwar song...or cannibal corpse...or one of those crazy death metal bands. haha. when you read the story, use gwar speak in your head...it makes the story really funny.

moths drink the tears of sleeping birds

yellow water

recycling pee in europe (where else?)

happy christmas eve

whirlwind 4 days in NYC.
tried my feet at chopsticks on the giant floor piano at fao schwarz a la tom hanks in big, c. 1988
are you jealous? you should be.

regulars at the bar

a conversation:

[irish bloke]: "you know what you need to do? take a hot bath, with candles...and oatmeal."
[me]: "oatmeal? i eat oatmeal."
"well, don't eat it, but i'm serious it's so good for your inside and your outside. your skin will be wonderful. and it's relaxing."
"oatmeal."
"don't forget the champagne."
"then i may really try and eat the oatmeal."
"no, no, don't eat it...now, what do you do when your car breaks down?"
"smack my hand on the steering wheel and curse."
"well, besides that."
"walk."
"no, no. you just leave it where it breaks down?"
"no. i get it fixed."
"exactly."
"and?"
"that's the whole philosophy of life. something's not working, you get it fixed and move on."

police reports

both my roommate and i work at bars.
we come in pretty late at night sometimes.
last night some guy followed my roommate home and tried to talk his way into our apartment.
around 5am i woke up to hear her talking loudly to someone from the top of the stairs.
this guy was claiming to be our neighbour, and needed something for a leaky water pipe that he said would leak into our apt...i don't think he realized that behind the door were stairs to the top floor, and there was nobody above us to be leaking water into our apt...nor did he realize that our only neighbour doesn't speak english.
nice try though, buddy.
standing at the top of the stairs we told him we couldn't help him and waited for him to leave. it's a frightening feeling to hear somebody waiting outside the door and wondering what they were going to do next--was he going to try and get in? or was he going to leave?
after what seemed like an eternity, i heard him going down the stairs and out the front door.
my roommate ran to the window and all she saw was a baseball cap and baggy pants walking up the sidestreet across the way.
i was definitely in fight or flight mode.
i thought for sure my heart would pop out of my chest.
scary stuff.

i heart NY

i'm going to nyc.
can't wait.
a much needed reprieve from school and exams
my head is about to explode. there's too much stuff crammed in.

i gave my first insulin injection last week. a subQ injection which means it's going in on a 45˚ angle. tricky.
it actually wasn't so bad.

tomorrow i give a heparin injection, change a colostomy appliance and suction a trach tube.
and then exams next week.
i'm exhausted.

can't wait for nyc.
last time i was there, did all the touristy stuff.
this time i plan on hittin up roosevelt island, to check out these ruins
maybe a knicks game...i don't particularly like basketball, but how fun would the $10 nosebleed seats be against the utah jazz? i'm betting pretty fun.
and tons of art to check out. never got to the whitney or the moma last time.
and i heard that the night of the living dead (the musical!) was off broadway. but i can't find it anywhere except some old listing at the greenwich theater. that would be zombifyingly fun.
i don't even care that zombifying is not a word.
it is when there are zombies involved.
in a musical, no less.

good food + good band = good night

saw a great band tonight
slow news day

ate a great meal in the annex at mt. everest
and had a wonderful fish jalfrajee. it was delicious.
had a baskin robbins ice cream on my way home from seeing slow news day

back to candy and essays.

i'm glad money's not on my brain.

today in psychology class...

you are kind of always aware of the influence that famous psychologists' theories have on popular culture...sayings like "he's so anal" wouldn't be in existence if it weren't for Freud, right?

but today i learned something new.
my psych prof said that george lucas was such a big jungian that the whole star wars trilogy is based on jung's idea of the duality of man and embracing your dark side ("luke, i am your father")

i was so intrigued that i looked it up. and although this particular reference is missing, wikipedia does have a fairly comprehensive list of jung's influence on culture...

even though i am a fairly big TOOL fan, i never really thought of aenima as being synonymous with jung's anima/animus
i've also read robertson davies, chuck palahniuk, and ursula leguin and really didn't put 2&2 together.
even northern exposure dj chris stevens made many references to jung.
who knew?

check it out here

random ttc exchange

i love transient ttc conversations.
who was that random guy?
he told me that it must be a good book i was reading because it was thick.
he told me that che wanted to be a doctor. and he thought he would have made a great doctor.
had it not been for that revolutionary stuff.
and he knows this because he's mexican.
and then mid sentence he got off the car.
just like that.

the gizzardly joys of thanksgiving

i cooked a bird.
me, the quasi-veg-head....cooked a bird that i won't even eat.
but i cook a pretty mean bird.

this post is a little late because canadiana thanksgiving was at the beginning of october.
but i was uploading some photos from my camera to the computron and i had forgotten about these photos:













so i decided to cook a bird and trimmings for 13 family members (is that a sign of age? who knows...i just love cooking for people--always have)
to make my conscience feel better, i ordered a free run, grain fed (raised just for the occassion) bird from a local mennonite farm.
this baby, we called her chantelle, was a 20 lb beast. and she still had some pin feathers stuck to her. you see, when the birds aren't massed produced by butterball™, they actually have feathers. and hefty breasts.
the night before the big day, i decided to give chantelle a salty bath.
i was reading all about how to make my bird delicious and read about brining the bird, especially an all natural, non-frozen, non-butterball bird.
so with a mixture of salt water and herbs, i double bagged chantelle and soaked her for 12 hours. unfortunately her wing tip broke a hole in both bags and the kitchen floor was cleaned with a salt water, sage and black peppercorn cleanser
thanksgiving morning i woke up like it was christmas morning...ran to the fridge to get chantelle and prep her for her spa day.
rinsed off the brine, and made my own herb butter.
ever so gently i pulled the skin from her breast and slipped my hand between the two to rub the butter in. then i put some sage leaves under the skin.
it was beautiful.
it was masochistic.
and a bizarre practice for someone who doesn't eat turkey.
but i actually didn't mind. maybe it was the biologist in me?
and it left my hands feeling supple.

so an elephant goes into a black hole...

two fascinating articles and a whole lotta dung

i have never seen so much s**t in my life. honestly.
to spare the gory details, i cared for a client yesterday--progressive ms, quadriplegia, aphasic (doesn't speak)--who had been given a suppository the night before. need i say more?
made me wonder if this is what i got into nursing for.
the RN said "this is nothing".
good lord.

what interested me this week was the idea that you can't have everything.
where dung beetles get compensated, in terms of growth (in this case big horns), other parts suffer (in this case, testicles):

horniest male beetles have tiniest testicles

and this is just sounds like oodles of fun:

working invisibility cloak created at last

cauliflower and avocado

after leaving my pathophysiology class on wednesdays, my brain is starving. plus it's well after lunch time.
today i stopped at my favourite falafel place on the way home, an egyptian eatery on the danforth called the prince of egypt. although similar to lebanese cuisine, they make their falafels with lima beans instead of chick peas. they are the best! and cheap, cheap, cheap.
today i stopped in and was trying to decide on something different. the young guy who runs the place with his father suggested i try his favourite breakfast wrap: battered cauliflower with avocado. sure, why not?
although his father gave me a weird look of inquiry when he relayed the order, i went ahead with it.
while i was waiting, i had a wonderful talk with the son.
right now, muslims are in the midst of ramadan.
adam was telling me how it was hard being in the restaurant business when fasting because he's serving food all the time, smelling the food, and talking with customers, which makes his mouth very dry and parched.
but he really believes in god, and believes that fasting is a very humbling experience. through fasting, muslims can feel the effects of starvation and feel the effects of poverty.
in the many years he has fasted during ramadan, he has never once broken his fast. i found this so impressive because he's a young guy and only human. i can't imagine how hard it would be to refrain from food, drink, tobacco, and unpure thoughts from dawn until sundown.
many hours are spent reading the qur'an and reaffirming your faith in islam.
it was a wonderful conversation and i learned so much.
i was so intrigued i even forgot my wallet, which i didn't realize until a half hour later, when i was trying to purchase some fruit at the market.
i ran back, and as soon as i opened the door, adam smiled and extracted my wallet from his back pocket, while his dad and his friend made jokes that it had taken me so long to come back they had used my amex to make calls to egypt.
and you know, even when i realized my wallet was missing and i remembered how much cash i had in there (i'm a server...i always have cash on me), i wasn't even concerned about it. i knew it was in good and honest hands.
and it was.
and that cauliflower and avocado pita was damn good.

i don't know anything

many people believe wisdom comes with age.

Meacham (a psychologist) believes that wisdom is characteristic of young people because they have more of an open mind; older people know too much and are too stuck in their ways
he thinks that when you can admit that you don't know anything, is when you have attained a certain wisdom, and that this is a completely young perspective...fresh, new thinking.

Eastern thoughts think that knowing you don't know anything does pertain to wisdom, but this transpersonal wisdom can only happen with age. it is only when you are older can you transcend your ego and see the "big picture". this is enlightenment.

i guess it depends how you define wisdom.

(*photo: my friend beebs, transcending his ego and attracting leeches at a hidden waterfall on manitoulin island)

conservatives and counterculture

after a lengthy pause from a great book, The Rebel Sell: why the culture can't be jammed, i've picked it up again for my long subway ride to and from my clinical placement.
just as i'm reading about the difference between dissent and deviance and what's acceptable in public by society's standards, a girl gets on the streetcar, headphones on, singing at the top of her lungs.
which was fine, except she's singing rap lyrics...which would also be fine, except instead of a rhythmic flow she's singing only the ends of sentences that are emphasized.
and emphasized by serious profanity.
it was a funny situation because aside from myself and another adult, there was nobody else on the car. but how funny would it have been if there were children? would she have stopped singing? or did she even notice she was only rapping the emphasized disses and cusses?

so back to this book...
there's this regular at the bar where i work, whom i do like, even though he's admittedly (and proudly) a conservative. he's a very intelligent guy, very sweet too, but we don't have much in common--which inevitably leads to some heated debates which are always abruptly ended.
i think he's given up trying to change my young mind about the evils of the left, and instead our conversations are now only about karate...which is fun, but getting tiresome.
it seems he's simply refused to try and get through to me. which is unfortunate, because i always enjoyed our arguments.
the other night he nonchalantly mentioned how much he likes george w. and everything he stands for.
and in my tiredness, all i could muster was "what?! warmonger." not very intelligent convo, i know. but sometimes i forget just how conservative he really is, and i am rendered speechless.
what i really wanted to say was something along the lines of this:

"...to this day, Republicans in the United States go to almost comical lengths to denounce the enemies of America as "evil." In their minds, they are striking a rhetorical blow against the counterculture, which they believe denies the reality of evil. (As usual, American politics is dominated by the compulsion to refight the battles of the '60s.) What conservatives fail to observe is that this rhetoric directly feeds the countercultural idea that they are so desperate to oppose. "We need to get tough," the conservatives claim. "We need to use force, because our enemies are evil." What they tacitly admit, thereby, is that if their enemies weren't evil, then there would be no need for the use of force. This sets things up for the argument that the enemies in question are not actually evil, they're just misunderstood. And so there is no need for coercion! Thus the conservative backlash feeds the countercultural ideas whose conclusions it tries so hard to oppose." ~ Heath & Potter, 2004, p. 74

time to rest.
my brain is chock full of g-tube feedings, colostomy bags and catheters.

In reality: this is just awesome because i now know all about what this guy discovered.

more school = less blogging

my first real day of clinical practice at toronto rehab consisted of another member of my clinical team swinging the door to the locker rooms open and smacking me in the head.
6:45 am, 15 mins before i'm due on the floor in my unit, i'm bleeding profusely, seeing stars and wondering how the hell this could have happened to me.
after freaking out my new clinical instructor with the amount of blood on my hand and saturated paper towel, i'm left with a 2" vertical laceration above my left eyebrow and a massive goose egg (not correct terminology, i know) which is every shade of blue/purple/yellow, combined.
looks lovely.
but it did initiate conversations with patients and nurses alike.
i am now known on the floor as "the girl with the big bandage above her eye". atleast i'm known on the floor, right?

my clients are a mix of lovely and interesting.
i'm drawn to 2 in particular, one being lovely, and one being interesting...and difficult.

i have a woman, whom i thought was only about my age, but discovered later is actually 41, who, as a result of cerebral palsy, has very limited movement & function, and has kyphoscoliosis (kyphosis=hunchback, scoliosis=an s-curvature of the spine).

i also helped care for a woman who has a history of drug/alcohol abuse with ODs relating to suicide attempts and withdrawal seizures but was admitted after a domestic dispute with her then common-law spouse left her with severe brain damage, resulting in left-sided hemiplegia (paralysis). when she came into rehab she had a trach tube and had staples holding the skin on her skull. she's been on a slow road to recovery, although it'll never be complete. she has learned to read and write at a about a grade 2 level. she yells at me and she likes to throw her shit on the wall.

speaking of trach tubes, i got to clean the mucus spewing out of someone's whole in their neck and see the stoma created to attach a colostomy bag. i saw intestines. amazing.
what's not so amazing is the smell from the bag.
i figure, when your waste goes through the intestines, it's reabsorbing water to dilute the concentration before it exits your anus. if you're catching the waste before it's been through the intestines, it is pure, undiluted, concentrated waste, mixed with bile and acid. it's enough to make anyone vomit.

while visions of marshmallows danced in my head

i woke myself up the other night making this noise, like "ahhhh", but in a sexual kinda way...and you know when you're so noisy in your sleep, you wake yourself up, startled?
so it seemed kinda like a sexual thing when i woke up, but in fact it was a laughing type "ahhhh", kinda like "ahhh, don't!" because i realized i had been dreaming about being pelted with marshmallows.
a fun, harmless, marshmallow fight.
not sure why, with who, or how that came to be, but it wasn't sexual.
although, i suppose it could be...if you think in that perverted sort of way.

yesterday as i mad dashed to the mall to find some new white shoes for my clinical tomorrow, i realized that in the 8 years i've lived here in the city, this is the first month that i've ever purchased a Metropass™.
it's a liberating feeling, really. not that i hadn't already started to feel like a part of the city a few years back, but now it's official: i am a Torontonian.
i like how i can just scan my way through the turnstiles. a little beep and i'm through.
no more fumbling with tickets or change.
i guess moving east means using more transit. but it also means carrying my bike down two long flights of stairs. so i guess it boils down to laziness.
dammit. my liberating Metropass™ has gone from the height of my status quo, to reaffirming the fact that i've gotten lazier. and perhaps a part of the blue collar masses that use the subway on a daily basis.
dammit.

school: week 2

Levinson did a research study in the '70s and found that peoples' lives are like seasons. all stages have their place and no one is better than another.

he said that every lifetime has 3 eras (after childhood): early adulthood, middle adulthood & late adulthood.
within each of these eras were periods and transitions. the transitions between eras were big "cross-era" transitions, lasting ~5 yrs, and a source of turmoil and confusion. the transitions between periods were small.

just before early adulthood comes a cross-era transition when you're half child/half adult (~17-22 yrs) where you're trying to gain independence.

as you enter early adulthood there's a calm period, the novice period (~22-28 yrs) where you develop dreams and have mentors. then there's a small transition (~28-33 yrs) where you question if you're heading in the right direction, which is followed by another calm period he called "calmination".

before you enter the second era of middle adulthood, there's another cross-era transition which causes the mid-life crisis (~40-45 yrs).

this pattern continues into late adulthood, where there are periods of self-reflection and coming to terms with dying.

alhtough this is just one man's theory and has many criticisms, as do many theories, i can honestly say that i've been through the first periods of early adulthood. i had that novice period, where i formed my dreams, and then the small transition where i questioned whether i was headed in the right direction. and i answered it. and did something about it.

if this psychologist is on the right track, i am still in that small transition, and just as i graduate, i'll be headed into my period of calmination.

interesting.

Music to my ears: tool - lateralus

In reality: Neanderthals and humans lived side by side

trying to focus when everything is new

back to school. and orientation always just serves to disorient me.
i'm overwhelmed and having trouble focusing.
getting distracted and not getting back to reality in a reasonable hour.
summer is over but the feeling won't stick.
new place, new people, new toys.
a desk with an uncomfortable chair.

==
my placement is at toronto rehab this year. could be cool.

Food for thought: still reading Into Thin Air (which is fantastic, by the way) but now i'm also reading Adult Development and Aging, Canadian Essentials of Nursing Research, Pharmacology and the Nursing Process and Medical-Surgical Nursing in Canada. ahhhh.

In reality: i can't believe that in the UK you could get away with taking someone's DNA and getting it tested without their knowledge...until now.

a brief descent into the land of poutine & pepsi (and apparently hotdogs)

i love montreal.
i've decided. and it only took the 2 hours we spent there to come to that decision.
i don't care if there is only pepsi.
the real cheese curds on the poutine make up for that.
and i don't care if the waitress snickers while you try to order in your broken and basic conversational french, but refuses to speak english even though she can.
sometimes there's no other way to learn than to be laughed at.
i love the houses and the low-rises and the lack of high-rise condo complexes.
it's all very european. and, like europe, smartly designed.

somewhere between hwys 20 est & 720 sud-est (which is essentially the same road, save for some merging in the tunnel) bob says:
"the bridges here are crazy. look at that! it's so bladerunner."
later, over a pint of rickard's at a pub nearby the station centre-ville, waiting for the overnight bus to take us back to t.o., we both decided to live in montreal for a while, sometime in the future.

food for thought: Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer
(found a copy in a used bookshop in kingston, on the way to quebec. having already read Into the Wild--actually, devoured in one night--i was happy Bob pointed this one out to me. it's based on his deadly adventure to the summit of Everest as a journalist for Outside mag...here's the original story: http://outside.away.com/outside/destinations/199609/199609_into_thin_air_1.html
it's already addicting...i guess since school starts again tomorrow i'll just have to finish it today...before working at 5...heh)

**sidenote to Bob: you're mildly suspicious (but i hope still trusting) at the secrecy of my online adventures. but just so you know, this is it. there is no rich old man from tallahassee on the other end, begging me to come bear his children. nope. the secrets lie in this. something i said i'd never do: have a blog. and i never made it completely public. but i never lied about it either...well, not really. and truth be told, i KNOW you're the only one who reads it, even though you pretend it doesn't exist. you can find just about anything by googling it. it's amazing, n'est pas?

the late great Bill Hicks

to add to yesterday's post, a quote from one of my heroes, Mr. Bill Hicks:

"i don't care what you believe but you gotta admit: beliefs are odd...a lot of christians wear crosses around their necks. you think when jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? that's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on..."

a chance for redemption

a Mormon stopped me on the street the other day.
"do you believe in God?" he asked.
"i think so." i replied. "but as a different manifestation than you, i'd imagine."
(he was a young chap, and i don't think he was expecting me to actually talk to him, let alone possibly believe in a higher being.)
"do you believe in Jesus as the Messiah?" he wanted to know.
"i'm not sure about that one. i believe Jesus was a great prophet, a wonderful storyteller, but i'm not sure if i even think there needs to be a messiah."
"but don't you want to get into heaven?"
"we may already be in heaven."
"or it may be hell."
"either way, it's what you make it. why bother living for that future of what happens when you die? you can be a good christian and have faith while living today."

truth be told, i absolutely love talking to any religious type folk. my beliefs change on a daily basis. i refuse to be an agnostic or an atheist, because i think it's a bit of a cop out.
some days i believe in a god, other days i don't. i'd say most days i'm just concerned with getting through the day while enjoying it, and i wish i could have that persistent faith that keeps christians going each day. there is a beauty in it, for sure.

just then the streetcar came and my young Mormon friend had to run.
"dang!" he said. (seriously)
"here, please go to the website if you want to be saved."
he handed me a card, with a photo of the massive temple in Salt Lake City, Utah. the original Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. a beautiful night time shot. a gorgeous building. a nice place to worship, i'm sure.
i use it as a bookmark.

the ant that bit my poon

in our kayaks at bon echo, we stopped for a swim.
sitting on a rock in the sun to dry off i noticed a big carpenter ant with a red bum in bob's shoe. i said "there's a big ant in your shoe" and shook it out.
next thing i know, i'm standing up and holy crap, ow! i'm getting bitten on the right lip of my heynaninani (as cash money likes to refer to it)...it felt like a horse fly bite, so i went down to shoo it away, all the while yelling "you little bastard, that hurt" and what do i find, but a big ol' ant in my bikini bottom. and apparently an angry one.
i must have pissed him off throwing him out of bob's shandal.
yuck. i think that's worse than a horse fly. i think i thought that right away because i nearly fell off the rock.

hippo kisses

have you ever seen hippos kiss? it is quite bizarre, with those massive mouths.
this photo doesn't really do it justice...to witness this in person is quite something.
i did feel a tad embarrassed to be watching at first, maybe a little weird, but they didn't seem to mind the crowd.

a change in space as we know it: plutons or planemos

this is incredible
so, without wanting to get rid of poor Pluto, who barely fits the definition of a planet, we're just going to let more rocks into the planet club. and now Pluto has a partner, Charon. it's a double planet. a super planet.
they're even letting asteroids in.
the fact that there is even a planet definition committee is just amazing. a committee to decipher the definition of a planet, in order to be selective about what constitutes entry into our solar system.
talk about confusing the minds of our future young scientists. it's like philosophy of the milky way.
"is it a planet or is it not a planet?" "and what makes up a planet?"
although a name like 2003UB313 (aka Xena) is sure to spark the flames of memory during exams, much more than, say, Neptune. i think so, anyways.

Food for thought: The Brief and Frightening Reign of Phil by George Saunders (speaking of planets, this story about the residents of Inner and Outer Horner is hilarious)
Music to my ears: The Arcade Fire (particularly the song Neighbourhood #2 (Laika) from Funeral)

travel notes: the day we go home

sunday morning on the way to the Chi-Cheemaun

before we got on the ferry this morning, we went to Carol & Earl's for breakfast but the gas station across the way where the ATM was wasn't open yet and they didn't take credit/debit so...heads hung in defeat we walked back to camp, thinking we'd pack up, wait for the ATM to open and hope we'd have enough time before the ferry left to go back for breakfast.
well, a man and his wife saw us and came over to the camp to give us money...we politely declined, stating we had money, just not on us. but he insisted we take $25 anyway and gave us his address to send the money back to him.
sometimes all it takes is one gesture to restore my faith in humanity.
so we got to go and fill our bellies while listening to Earl talk to us about Lennox Lewis and some WWF dude he knows. what a character.

travel notes: day 7

saturday july 8th: the end. we made it.

so it's done. wow. we did it. i did it. unbelievable.
i worked so hard i got to eat all of my favourite foods: pies, fish & chips (local whitefish!), cookies, date squares, pb & bagels, tons of oatmeal and dried fruit...and plenty of red wine.
we earned it...although i don't think i'm going home much lighter.

this morning as we left Providence Bay, i actually left a book for someone. for the girl biking with her dad and brother, who were camping across the way from us.
i left her Strange Heaven (the book by Lynn Coady that i finished a couple of nights ago).
i left it with an inscription about being the girl travelling with two boys and how that can be so fun but sometimes some alone time with a book is a good thing. there was definitely a connection in that aspect. and for some reason, i can always pick out a reader.

went into Mindemoya this morning to find Ted from Gypsy Family Farm at market. talked to him for quite a bit--interesting dude--but he was out of peas and fruit. so we bought some baby rainbow swiss chard for dinner and some peas off of another woman who runs an organic farm in Little Current. her peas weren't as sweet as Ted's though.

i bought a necklace off of some little entrepeneur kids--it's lovely. and we saw the soap lady again. then we had some hawberry ice cream from Farquhar's Dairy. so tasty! wish i could bring some of that home. which reminds me, i should pick up some more hawberry jelly for mum & Sue.

went into another old abandoned house again today (they're everywhere!). got to explore for a while.

also went to Michael's Bay to have lunch and try to find an old lumber mill ghost town. couldn't find it--but we found some people to ask. they pointed us in the right direction, but we found a wonderful waterfall instead. played in the water for a long time--got mini leeches on our feet.


finally started the trek back to South Baymouth. bought an onion, tomato and can of red kidney beans and cooked them up with the swiss chard and peas and some chili powder. mopped it all up with some pumpernickel. awesome camp fare considering we are at ghetto camp tonight, pitching a tent in a picnic area. we each paid an old hag in a trailer 5 bucks to sleep on the grassy area. but we're right across from Carol & Earl's Restaurant (who we hear have the best breakfast) and just down the street from the ferry.

tomorrow we go home. what an adventure.

day 7 stats
28˚ & sunny
total riding time: 4 hrs 19.5 mins
total distance: 64 km (avg: 14.8 km/hr)
max speed: 53 km/hr

travel notes: day 6

organic hippie farms & hawberry jelly

just enough fuel this morning for oatmeal and half of a cup of coffee each. had a lazy day today but perfect for exploring. went into an old abandoned farmhouse and barn.

took backroads most of the way to Providence Bay. came across an organic farm--Gypsy Family Farm--and bought fresh snap peas from Ted's sister. the 3 of us polished off a litre of them by mid-afternoon. they were the sweetest peas ever. everything else was at market with Ted, the farmer, who incidentally is a retired nurse from Texas. his wife is still a nurse. great stories. we are taking an extra trip into Mindemoya tomorrow morning to go meet him at market and get some fresh fruit for lunch.

missed our turn off today and ended up staying on the highway, which was a good thing or else we wouldn't have come across the tiny hamlet of Spring Bay, which had an LCBO outlet (we had run out of wine--funny how things work out like that) and the Hawberry Farms company whose jams and chutneys we love. had to pick up a few jars of their famous hawberry jelly (hawberries only grow on Manitoulin Island)...and a few other things. extra weight, yes, but only for another day and so worth it. also got some christian paraphanelia for Sue at a tiny old church in Britainville.

Providence Bay has the coldest water i've ever jumped into. my toes went numb. and there's a family (a dad and his two kids) who are just starting out on their journey of biking Manitoulin at the site across from ours. i'd like to give the girl a book that i finished on the trip (Strange Heaven by Lynn Coady).
we're going into town tonight to eat fish & chips.
(edit: the fish & chips place was closed but lucky for us because we found the best soup & sandwich shop! once again, love how things always have a way of working out. ~m)

day 6 stats
27˚ & sunny
total riding time: 2 hrs 43 mins
total distance: 40.72 km (avg: 14.9 km/hr)
max speed: 36 km/hr

travel notes: day 5

the swamps of mordor and a beat up old jalopy

the ride back to Lake Wolsley today--which was the same as yesterday, minus the extra 10km of hill into Sheshegwaning First Nation--seemed so much easier.
not easy, but easier.
although i did get attacked by horseflies through most of it.
it must have been the eggs and homefries we had at the lighthouse restaurant for breakfast. that was a nice treat.
and i didn't have to poo on the side of the road again like yesterday--thank god for the emergency roll of TP.
we made it back to the camp at Lake Wolsley Obejewung and are ready to feast. we're almost out of camp fuel so we decided to eat most of our dried food. plus we stopped in at the general store in Evansville (at the bottom of Indian Point Hill) and Beebs picked out a cajun smoked manitoulin river trout to add some protein to our pasta. the nice young girls in the store also showed us another way to camp without having to climb the crazy steepness of Indian Point Hill Rd, which was a welcome reprieve after another long day.
we found a beautiful old abandoned dock today, where we stopped for lunch after buying more bagels and p.b. in Silverwater again (we were reluctant to stop there again, but there really is nowhere else).
we met a couple from toronto at the store, and they offered up their septic field for a soft place to sleep and a hot shower for the night . so very nice of them, but they weren't too far from Silverwater and that was only our half way point for the day.
the dock was abandoned by the government and was in a beautiful bay...it was lovely, save for the nasty climb back up a loose gravel road to the highway.











hopefully we have enough fuel for breakfast. it's a short day to Providence Bay tomorrow where there's a little town with a restaurant for dinner.
back to civilization....not sure whether i'm sad or excited.

day 5 stats
27˚ & sunny
total riding time: 5 hrs 3 mins
total distance: 78.93 km (avg: 15.6 km/hr)
max speed: 51 km/hr

travel notes: day 4

the lighthouse beyond meldrum bay

i silenty cried today on our last 13 km on lighthouse road. my knee is a mess.
but we made it to the absolute west side of Manitoulin Island and the most beautiful campsite ever.
the shower building reminds me of Friday the 13th.
we rode in silence along a beautiful tree lined road, me secretly wishing we would be there around every bend.

i stink and have a serious butt rash.
but we have homemade tarts for dessert after our mountain chili and the lighthouse restaurant is open for breakfast. good thing too since we're almost out of camp fuel.

mostly the people on Manitoulin have been so nice and friendly but in Silverwater (the only place to stop on hwy 540 between Gore Bay and Meldrum Bay) we walked into the restaurant/gas station/general store only to be stared at but completely ignored amongst the locals. we got up and left after the waitress sat down at the table next to us to talk.
so we bought some bagels and p.b. and headed to Sheshegwaning First Nation reserve. This took us 10 kms out of our way to find the giant dreamcatcher, which we didn't see, but we found a lovely spot to eat our lunch on a beat up old dock.
i took this photo of the garbage can there because it made me laugh:

talking about our experience over lunch, Beebs thought maybe it was because they thought we were native because we're so darkly tanned from biking all day. i hope that's not true; that they wouldn't serve us if they thought we were native. beebs is part native and me, i always wished i was.

day 4 stats
~22˚; cloudy with sunny breaks
total riding time: 6 hrs 5 mins
total distance: 85.67 km (avg: 14 km/hr)
max speed: 46.5 km/hr

travel notes: day 3

Jerusalem Hill kicked my ass

today i prayed all day--i prayed for no more wind.
that wind stopped me dead a few times.
i have never pedalled so hard in my life.
like a cartoon character continually circling my legs, yet going nowhere.

hwy 540 to Bridal Veil Falls was just so windy, but the falls are pretty and I got bit by a horse fly. those buggers hurt.

we missed the old jail museum in Gore Bay by 5 mins because the LCBO outlet took priority.
all hail the tetra paks of wine!
perfect for a night at Lake Wolsley after having to climb the steepest hill ever at the end of the day. Indian Point Hill. wow. two steep, quick hills in one day.

we managed to cross a gorgeous causeway today, the windiest of days, without blowing into the water. amazing.

in my head i take notes like journalling for a blog now. title and all.
is that sad?

day 3 stats
~22˚ & sunny (35 km/hr winds)
total riding time: 5 hrs 6 mins
total distance: 71.3 km (avg: 14 km/hr)
max speed: 39.5 km/hr

travel notes: day 2

when butterflies attack

slow start today.
"the sheg" (Sheguiandah) to Little Current. had lunch in the park. that sign we saw that we swore said there was a Timmy's in Little Current was a total lie.
the woman laughed at me.
"i wish there was a Tim's here. you're going to have to go to Espanola for that."
Beebs and Bob were actually considering it.

Little Current to M'Chigeeng (formerly West Bay) was a crazy ride. very hilly.
M'Chigeeng means "village enclosed by stepped cliffs" in Ojibwe.

we picked some wild strawberries on the side of the road. so sweet!
started to rain a bit so we pulled into Gina's Restaurant to catch some cover.
Pam makes the best butter nut tarts! and the young guy working there answered all of our questions. such nice people.
saw a guy skid into the ditch going up a hill.
decided to go on the last 15 km to Stanley's Tent & Trailer Park.
got chased by a dog that bit my bag! it could've been my leg...
then Beebs got attacked by a monarch butterfly.
but there hasn't been a hill--yet--that we haven't conquered.

i've always wanted to live in a trailer park. a whole different breed.
i swear i just saw Ricky & Julian. and Stanley is like a younger version of Mr. Lahey.

day 2 stats
25˚ & sunny; partly cloudy with some rain near M'Chigeeng
total riding time: 4 hrs 24 mins
total distance: 65.5 km (avg: 14.9 km/hr)

travel notes: day 1

adventure to Squirreltown & beyond

not even 10 mins off the Chi-Cheemaun, we were in the middle of nowhere, heading north on hwy 6 (the Great Spirit Circle Highway). about 10 kms off the ferry, there was a billboard for a Timmy's.
"only 74 mins!" it beckoned...by car, of course. something to look forward to tomorrow morning. (only a few days later did we find out there are no franchises on the island, and that tim's was really in Espanola -ed.)
i picked up a hitchhiker...a green bug named Gerald--he rode shotgun on my handlebar bag for quite some time...even down two serious hills. he disappeared at Fossil Hill in Squirreltown.

so Beebs says "hey manny, you lead for a bit"...how excited i was, until i realized it was probably because the boys were already tired and wanted the 5'2", 120 lb girl to set the pace, without either of them backing down.
it wasn't because of my outstanding ability on a bicycle--no.
it was because i'm slow...er,
but how can i compete with this hairy beast of a machine? combined, it's like riding behind a 12 ft, 400 lb monster.
no matter how fast i pedal (on the downhill!), they cruise by letting their weight carry them.
until the uphill of course, when i motor past them screaming all the while "eat my dust pansies! muhahahaha!"
no...not really. that was a fantasy as i panted up the last hill of the day (don't ever let anyone tell you manitoulin island is flat)
riding really far behind leaves nobody to talk to. it's very conducive to fantasies.

day 1 stats
25˚ & sunny
total riding time: 4 hrs 4 mins
total distance: 65 km (avg: 16 km/hr)

food for thought: strange heaven by lynn coady

travel notes: the day before

Canada Day 2006

after meeting Beebs the patriotic in O-Sound, we stopped at the Top Notch Restaurant in Wiarton for some local whitefish. Beebs picked the spot saying "i think the name says it all".

on the way to Tobermory, saw this ad:
"Losing weight? Fight back! The Sweet Shop, Tobermory"

Bruce Peninsula Nat'l Park had no space for us--it being Canada Day weekend and all--but the nice park ranger told us we could pitch a tent right on the ferry docks...but there were fireworks and nowhere to park....so we slept in the car of the legion parking lot while a dude with an arm cast and his cronies drank a 2-4 of Blue on the tailgate of their Dodge pick-up and proceeded to break a few bottles. i don't even think they noticed us.
ah, small towns.

trip stats

• length of trip: 7 days
• total biking time*: 31 hrs 4 mins
• total distance*: 471.12 km
• average daily distance*: 67.3 km
• average speed*: 14.9 km/hr
• maximum speed reached*: 53 km/hr
• pieces of homemade pie/tarts/cinnamon rolls/cookies consumed: 20

*courtesy of Bob's CatEye

money woes

i'm excited.
i'm leaving for a week long bike/camping trip around manitoulin island.
(so in case anyone actually reads this, i'll be on hiatus beginning july 1st)

so i'm excited about that and i'm ecstatic about moving into our new place.
3 of us.
at 30 yrs old (on avg.) we're going backwards in life.
forget the house in suburbia, the suv, the 1.5 kids and a dog.
we're jack, chrissy & janet. i think we may even have a mr & mrs roper.
now all we need is a larry.

all this excitement leads to being more broke than i've been in a while.
i mean, quitting a full time job to go back to university pretty much broke me, but this hurts.
but i don't feel nearly as stressed as i would have felt about it, say, 2 years ago.
it's bizarre but refreshing.
stress is the number one cause of CVD. and CVD (leading to heart attack/stroke) is the number one killer in north america, you know.
and i've honestly been trying to live a somewhat stress-free life in the last little while.
it came with the "big change".
don't get me wrong, school got a little stressful there, especially during exams.

but honestly, i have really been trying to mellow out in the last few years.
not let trivial things bother me. not let the things that aren't that important to my well being be a let-down.
and i think it's working.

Music to my ears: Adorable ~ Against Perfection
Food for thought: Strange Heaven by Lynn Coady

everybody has the list

you know, i've done some great things with my life.
maybe i'm feeling overly optimistic today, but i'm pretty happy at what i've accomplished and what i've seen in my 29 years.
there's still so much i want to do--travel more, as would most--but i can't really complain.

things i've done:
-ran a marathon...in portugal
-got my black belt in shotokan karate
-jumped out of an airplane
-learned how to skate a mini ramp at 25 yrs of age
-a 4 ft high double teeter totter on my mtn bike (busted up my face pretty bad, but lived to tell about it)
-a whole heck of a lot of acid, and survived
-snowboarded in 4 provinces
-graduated college for photojournalism
-travelled most of canada, 1/2 of the usa, ireland, portugal, venezuela and the bahamas
-gotten photos published in the paper
-returned to school a year ago to pursue a degree in nursing
-seen many, many, many concerts and live bands
-fell in love with my soulmate

things i would still like to do is going to take a while to compile.

In reality: Harriet the tortoise dies at 175

a hornet fell on me today but did not sting

sitting in the park today, i met an old sheepdog named thurman. even all that hair couldn't cover up those eyes.

i finally finished reading Genome: The autobiography of a species in 23 chapters.

the last 2 chapters spoke of eugenics and free will.
it was so interesting to learn of all the scientists who glorified the case for eugenics and the politicians that put eugenics into practice--putting laws into place to stop the stupid people from breeding.
this, of course, led to insane asylums and sterilization...putting the crazies away so they couldn't procreate; for some countries, like Germany, the laws allowed 70,000 already sterilized psych patients to be gassed, to free up beds for their soldiers during WWII.
needless to say, Hitler was a fan.

of course, even though many of the sterilization laws were changed, people are still, to some degree, practicing eugenic medicine today.
for example, older mothers-to-be, because of their "high risk" of Downs babies, can receive amniocentesis to check the unborn baby for a duplicate of chromosome 21 (which is indicative of Downs Syndrome)...if present, they are conjoled into aborting the fetus.

anyway, fascinating stuff. read it.

Music to my ears: Explosions in the Sky ~ Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Live Forever
(good sittin in the park & readin music...the kind where watching 3 butterflies play makes a beautiful moment -m.)

Words to live by: "Either our actions are determined, in which case we are not responsible for them, or they are the result of random events, in which case we are not responsible for them" ~this is Hume's fork, subsequently named such after this dilemma that plagued the philosopher David Hume

i have a friend with a drug problem

at 29 years old, i'm finally feeling comfortable in my own skin.

and just as i've changed my whole life, one of my best friends has a crack addiction.
i want to save her. but i can't. until she wants to be saved.
but she's almost ready.
i want her to come here so i can lock her in a room and play the part of johnny cash's mother-in-law and hold the shotgun while her crackhead boyfriend tries to come get her or her dealer finds her.

i feel completely helpless.

Music to my ears: Atmosphere - Satan Hates Beauty
Food for thought: still reading Genome...

everything is for sale

the undeniable stench of stale urine.
and i watch as you spit on the floor of the subway while the guy next to you wolfs down that footlong sub.

Music to my ears: The Mars Volta - deloused in the comatorium

Food for thought: Genome-the autobiography of a species in 23 chapters by Matt Ridley

Words to live by: "The fear of freedom is strong within us" ~Germaine Greer

In reality: Big Brother is watching you (tell me something i didn't know)

i am the stone goliath...

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Stone Goliath Your Superpower is Radiation Your Weakness is Ice Your Weapon is Your Stellar Amplifier Your Mode of Transportation is Seahorse

What's your Superhero Name?

teen rebellion is just another product

i watched a pretty good pbs documentary today called the merchants of cool on the symbiotic relationship between teens & the media.
basically it left me with the question of whether there is room anymore for kids to start a counter-culture.
there may be, but it's such a small window of time before the ideas are bought up, re-packaged, and sold back to us. this is when it turns mainstream. and that gap is getting smaller. especially with music.
it's just one big feedback loop....which leads to the old chicken or egg adage: is the media really reflecting the actual world of kids/teens or vice versa?
anyway, as interesting as it is, i'm still procrastinating on that damn essay about female body image in the media, in particular Dove's "campaign for real beauty".
argh.

Music to my ears: Fugazi's End Hits
Current food for thought: The Rebel Sell: why the culture can't be jammed by Joseph Heath & Andrew Potter

Words to live by: "Step off the straight and narrow career-and-materialism groove and you just end up on another one--the groove for people who step off the main groove. And that groove was worn indeed...Everywhere we imagined ourselves standing turned into a cliche beneath our feet." ~ Naomi Klein, No Logo (start of the chapter on The Youth Market and the Marketing of Cool when she's lamenting on the fact that upon finishing highschool her and her best friend wanted to "do something" but everything had been done already)

In reality: (or is it?) this is just screaming lord of the flies or alex garland's the beach meets survivor.

procrastination at its best

i am supposed to be writing an essay right now.
i am "critiquing" (i hate that word, hence the quotes) an ad. i am attempting to write 6-8 pages on why the Dove ad campaign--you know, the "real beauty" ads--are not really that radical to the advertising world. they're still selling a product. a commodity.
just because they put women on their ads that don't conform to the popular ideology of "beauty" (ie: inherently thin and white) doesn't make Dove an overnight feminist entity.
especially when the newest ads are for firming lotion. so, what? it's okay to be not thin and not white, if you firm up? please.

anyway, this is great
there were these giant billboards on the gardiner expressway when the campaign first came out that had people voting, complete with live counter, on whether the woman pictured was fat or fab.

this is a mini-post, not conforming to my usual, because there is more to come on this subject as i begin my essay rant. this should be fun.

it's amazing how a demolition can bring strangers together

some songs or bands are just so great at capturing the theme of life.
i've always wanted to film a short movie of a certain part of life solely based on how well a song fits.
my streetcar ride today fit so well with wintersleep's migration; especially if i could slow down the passing of people. the variety of people and storefronts and delapidated buildings...maybe because i was on the dundas car, which always has some interesting sights around regent park--kind of a sad, unsettling feeling while still being full of beauty.
godspeed you! black emperor often has this same effect for me--although more for the ups and downs of my own life...personal trials and tribulations.
but why do only upsetting events warrant a soundtrack? it seems that happiness is usually expressed as cheesy pop. maybe all that angst and depression causes good writing?
or maybe that cheesy pop is just a mask of happiness (made to tell us what 'happy' is) and what's not always 'happy' is what's real, and as a result, is actually what makes happiness?
or maybe it's all just my interpretation.
i had a few songs in my head for a soundtrack for the demolition i saw yesterday, that could have made it beautiful, but the fact that strangers were conversing and laughing together made it beautiful in its own right.
sometimes music isn't even needed for therapy. sometimes all it takes is a little human interaction.

Music to my ears: wintersleep & godspeed you! black emperor
Words to live by: "After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." ~Aldous Huxley from "Music at Night" (1931)

In reality: this is just freakin cool.

i'm just not feeling very smart right now

trivial pursuit always makes me feel stupid.
why don't i just go with my gut answers? do i even care that much?

In reality: Artificial penis allows rabbits to mate normally

I really need my own chatbot right now.

why nursing is working for me

trish is teaching for a different reason than the others.
she's targeting those grown up enough to make a fast change. she's part of the greater good. none of the cutesy games & activities. she's not targeting the young nurse who thinks blood is gross but thinks she can make a small difference. this woman wants changes.
she truly believes that nurses are the first to push for primary health care in our country. maybe it's not too late for our health care system. maybe that idea of universality and accessibility can stay....if we act fast. the 2-tier system may be upon us very shortly.
maybe that's why the level of education has increased for nursing students. more education could equal more intelligence. at the very least, 4 years worth can definitely weed out the not-so-serious, or the ones in it for money (and they do exist! there are a lot easier ways to make way more money, seriously. get into ad sales).
so maybe the increase in education years is not helping the shortage of nurses we're facing. but maybe if we look at it as a shortage in the short term. it's a small sacrifice to make for nurses who are passionate enough to stick it through. nurses who can make a difference.

Music to my ears: Amon Tobin's Permutations
Words to live by: "Nursing is most truly said to be a high calling, an honourable calling. But what does the honour lie in? In working hard during your training to learn and to do all things perfectly. The honour does not lie in putting on Nursing like your uniform. Honour lies in loving perfection, consistency, and in working hard for it: in being ready to work patiently: ready to say not "How clever I am!" but "I am not yet worthy; and I will live to deserve to be called a Trained Nurse"." ~Florence Nightingale (advice to nursing students, 1873)

In reality: The kink at the edge of the solar system

today is the first day of the rest of my life...or something like that

this is it. this is the day. i have been smoke-free for 1/2 a day now. it's gonna work this time. i've been clearing my apartment of all evidence that smokers lived here. the ashtrays are washed out, the nicotine stains have been windex-ed off the tv and glass surfaces, the dust is about to be vaccuumed off the floor--although the clumps of cat hair under the bed will never go away.

i was talking to my friend cathy on sunday and i told her my plan.
"tuesday is the day. it's attempt #7, and maybe it's my lucky number. no, it is my lucky number. this is it, for real this time."
and she said, "oh lordy...dude, why did we ever start?" (yes, she actually talks like that; she's great)
but i can't think about why anymore. that was so very long ago. i don't want to regret that decision anymore. i've had some great smoking years. really. 14 years, to be exact. it got me through those turbulent & depressive coming-of-age years. it was great after sex. jon and i chain-smoked on road trips to wonderful places while drinking gas station coffee at 3 am (which by the way is a recipe for some serious gut rot). sitting in a smoky pub in belfast last year wouldn't have been the same without contributing to the eye-watering haze.
i ran a marathon and got my black belt in karate while being a smoker. seriously.

i've quit before, but only half-assedly (is that a word? it is now). you know, the pack in the freezer "just in case"...or "jon, let's just share one, okay? it's not really like smoking."
this time the pack is in the garbage. i've got my supplies: gum (spearment & nicorette), bottles of water, books, the patch (if it comes down to it), ibuprofen, toothpicks, kleenex (i start to get overly emotional--really, it's quite ridiculous. look at me the wrong way and i'm apt to start bawling). i just wish i didn't have to work or go to school, and i could just hole away. because my strategy this time is lying in bed and going through the full junkie withdrawal. i can't go out (especially for a drink) and i don't want to talk to anybody. atleast for the first 3 days.

my motivation is this: i don't want to be a smoking nurse. (of course jon says "oh you'll be a smokin' nurse!" heh, he's funny). but i don't want to be a smoking nurse. it just doesn't make sense. it has always gone against everything i care about. the environment, stickin it to the man, blah blah. you know, important stuff. my own health. and the time is now. my dream of typing away furiously in a smoky study overlooking the water somewhere up north...with an ashtray full of butts...isn't so sexy anymore.

i think i've finally made it past the "i like smoking" bit. i will miss it, but i'm seriously over it this time. of course, talk to me tomorrow. when i'm begging for your half-smoked cig, say no. please.

Music to my ears: silence
Words to live by: "Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time." ~Mark Twain

In reality: why are things like this still going on? it saddens me.

the pop-pop of firecrackers ringing in my ears

oh the beauty of celebrating a dead monarch.
and it's cold out.

i just finished reading Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore. it was so lovely to devour a beautiful piece of fiction. since starting school last september, my collection of fiction novels awaiting my hungry brain has sat, untouched, on the bookshelf. instead i've been reading textbooks on the art of nursing, physical examination and health assessment and psychology (to name a few). i have a lot of reading to do this summer. but murakami was a great start. he never lets me down--i get so lost in his world that my night dreams start to blur with my daydreams. my mind wanders into a land of metaphors and surrealism. everything you could ask for in a great piece of fiction.

it seems that i have changed so much in the last year. and not just the obvious. at 28 years of age i left a job that sucked my soul away to return to school to become an RN. i really didn't think that this would drastically affect the way i look at life. i have learned so much about myself that i've been feeling a bit revolutionary lately. some may say idealistic, but is that such a bad thing? is it so misleading to think that we are the generation that can change things? i truly believe we can. and it will be a joint effort between people across different fields of work. it all goes back to those connections we make.
i've been getting way too absorbed in sociology/social commentary and popular culture lately. but i think that's a good thing...for myself....and maybe for others. we'll see.

Music to my ears: Tool's aenima
Words to live by: "The world that we live in is not real. Consumer capitalism has taken every authentic human experience, transformed it into a commodity and then sold it back to us through advertising and mass media." ~from The Rebel Sell, by Joseph Heath & Andrew Potter (discussing the thesis of Guy Debord, a radical Marxist)

In reality: The rapping reverend

beer & peanuts at jimmy's place

i met a teary-eyed mr. grant at the hospital today.
"why are you crying," i asked.
"because i'm in pain," he replied.

Music to my ears: Talking Heads
Words to live by: "Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

In reality: Farmers hail `return to sanity'
(that was close. farmers feed cities, you know.)

a conversation with jon

"our connections with people is the only thing that seems to be real," i said.
"but even then, most connections are still founded on consumption," he replied.

i am a book whore.
i devour books and love every page and every word. but i just can't let them go. i love to buy them and i love to keep them.
i have fanatasies about finishing a book and leaving it somewhere for someone to pick up, or giving it to someone so they can enjoy what i just enjoyed, but i can't. why is it so hard to let my possessions go? they are merely possessions after all. they don't make who i am. what i have read, and what has stuck in my head, makes who i am.
and somehow with books (and music too) i think it is different. it could be worse. it could be shoes or handbags or clothes. but atleast it's art, right? but how does this make it any different? they are still a commodity--a product of a capitalist society. and yet i try to justify it as something else.

Music to my ears: Sigur Ros
Words to live by: "A corporation has no soul, no morals. It cannot feel love, pain, or remorse. You cannot argue with it. A corporation is nothing but a process--an efficient way of generating revenue." ~Adbusters

In reality: 2 separate stories, yet both travesties in their own right. we're continually forced to become such mass consumers, that we are losing our sense of community (well, what's left of it)

New rules proposed for farmers' markets: Critics fear stiffer health regulations could kill business

Three rep cinemas to close by end of June
RIP

on the way to school

da da da da da daaaaa, da da da da da daaaaa
the tai chi movements in tune with the music in my ears...arms outstretched, reaching to the sky, and side to side...i wonder whatever happened to that boy named Kyo.

Music to my ears: Wintersleep
Words to live by: "You painted a naked woman because you enjoyed looking at her, you put a mirror in her hand and you called the painting Vanity, thus morally condemning the woman whose nakedness you had depicted for your own pleasure." ~ John Berger, from Ways of Seeing

In reality: Teen in Texas bitten by a bat in his sleep; dies of rabies
(anyone else believe in vampires? -m.)

morning ride

i talked to a hippie on the streetcar today. "My, that's a good book you're reading," I said. He nodded in agreement and shaking his beard like a horse's mane 3 sparrows flew out to perch on my coffee mug.

Music to my ears: Saul Williams
Words to live by: "Symbolism and meaning are two separate things. I think she found the right words by bypassing procedures like meaning and logic. She captured words in a dream, like delicately catching hold of a butterfly's wings as it flutters around. Artists are those who can evade the verbose." ~Haruki Murakami, from Kafka on the Shore

In reality: 22 American soldiers in Iraq committed suicide in 2005.