merhaba
we're off.
i would love to try and post a few shots during my travels, but i think i'm abandoning technology in favour of a good ol' pen and notebook. for old times sake.
(what?! pen & paper? blogging blasphemy!)
allaha ısmarladık!
4/26/09
4/24/09
2 days till turkey
as canadians leaving for turkey on sunday, the recent pull of the turkish ambassador out of canadian parliament pricked up the spidey senses a wee bit.
just a bit.
but, apparently no hard feelings...
~
Music to my ears: CunninLynguists - A Piece of Strange
just a bit.
but, apparently no hard feelings...
~
Music to my ears: CunninLynguists - A Piece of Strange
4/21/09
riding the rocket
today i experienced what it must be like to suddenly go blind
(although perhaps spurred on by a recent rental: blindness)
i was riding the streetcar (no, not my bike for once because i'm a lazy sow sometimes), half-reading, easily distracted by the window, the sun peeking through the clouds, the shady but interesting folk at queen & sherbourne...
i looked down to pretend read again, and the instant i looked up out the window i saw white, pure white, for longer than a second, longer than a flash...just white.
it took longer than the millisecond it usually takes for my brain to catch up with the optical relay.
it turned out to be a truck. a big white truck.
funny how fear sets in quicker than realization.
~
Music to my ears: Modest Mouse
(although perhaps spurred on by a recent rental: blindness)
i was riding the streetcar (no, not my bike for once because i'm a lazy sow sometimes), half-reading, easily distracted by the window, the sun peeking through the clouds, the shady but interesting folk at queen & sherbourne...
i looked down to pretend read again, and the instant i looked up out the window i saw white, pure white, for longer than a second, longer than a flash...just white.
it took longer than the millisecond it usually takes for my brain to catch up with the optical relay.
it turned out to be a truck. a big white truck.
funny how fear sets in quicker than realization.
~
Music to my ears: Modest Mouse
4/20/09
conversations in a hospital #8
on constipation...
"you give it a push and it's pushed back at you"
(i laughed out loud...he didn't find it as amusing as i did)
"you give it a push and it's pushed back at you"
(i laughed out loud...he didn't find it as amusing as i did)
4/17/09
pushing up tulips
it's 20˚ and sunny.
springtime always brings out the winter hibernators. (is that even a word? doesn't matter, because i am one)
my soundtrack changes with the change of seasons.
this morning, the only thing that could get me going on my run, and which i'm currently blasting is El-P.
i guess springtime should bring on the happy, smiley pop, but i'm not quite ready for that.
not until summer's here and i'm enjoying afternoons on the island.
springtime to me is raw energy, crass but clever lyrics, and pure passion.
~
Music to my ears: El-P - I'll Sleep When You're Dead
springtime always brings out the winter hibernators. (is that even a word? doesn't matter, because i am one)
my soundtrack changes with the change of seasons.
this morning, the only thing that could get me going on my run, and which i'm currently blasting is El-P.
i guess springtime should bring on the happy, smiley pop, but i'm not quite ready for that.
not until summer's here and i'm enjoying afternoons on the island.
springtime to me is raw energy, crass but clever lyrics, and pure passion.
~
Music to my ears: El-P - I'll Sleep When You're Dead
4/16/09
more thoughts over dishwashing
lately, thoughts of my family seem to make me upset.
it seems our values are so different.
at one time i was so proud to be the black sheep, so wanting to be removed from the ties that bind the family, just to have that independence.
just to break out of the traditional italian family mold.
don't get me wrong, even in my teens i was never bad or angry enough to want to disregard my italian heritage. i saw the value in that all the time. i made sure to keep up with the language that my nonna taught me as a child, and i faithfully visit my nonna on sundays...plus i love the food part of the tradition.
but being the oldest out of all my cousins, i definitely broke the ice (and took a certain self-imposed honour to that) for being the one who moved away at 19 to go to college, then never returned to live back home, favouring the city over the suburbs, getting a tattoo (or 3), moving in with my partner without getting married (living in sin!), and making it well known that i do not follow the catholic faith.
and now i look at my awesome sister (newly preggers!) and her husband in the 'burbs, living near my parents, and how close they all are, and how my mum will be closer to my sis when she's had the baby, and i feel a twinge of green.
and here's me, in the city, with no car, wondering why my mother doesn't know anything about me.
and it's not that i suddenly want that life.
that was what i was desperately trying to escape (and succeeded).
after years (stupid ones, in retrospect) of trying to distance myself, i feel myself suddenly wanting to reconnect with family, and expecting that they'll suddenly understand me?
we're different.
i've always been close to my sister and my mom, but there's a certain closeness that comes from being there all the time. living the same life. my sister is probably closer to her friends than to me.
and my mum and dad are enjoying their child-free life now--they are entitled to that, after raising me for 20 years.
and i sit here and wonder why our values are so different.
i get upset over my mom not really paying attention, or my sister and her husband not coming to see me play my first show.
i get frustrated that they always complain that the city is just so far away, not convenient to get to at all, and yet they come down all the time to see hockey and baseball games.
and to get them to come down for my birthday dinner was a fight as they wanted me to go there (me, who has no car, on my birthday). and then they did, we had a wonderful dinner, and they all feel as if they've done their part. they're good for a year.
but really, what can i expect?
i was the one who moved away, i was the one who pushed away.
i was the one who chose to grow my own values.
i can't expect them to be the same.
~
Music to my ears: Slint
it seems our values are so different.
at one time i was so proud to be the black sheep, so wanting to be removed from the ties that bind the family, just to have that independence.
just to break out of the traditional italian family mold.
don't get me wrong, even in my teens i was never bad or angry enough to want to disregard my italian heritage. i saw the value in that all the time. i made sure to keep up with the language that my nonna taught me as a child, and i faithfully visit my nonna on sundays...plus i love the food part of the tradition.
but being the oldest out of all my cousins, i definitely broke the ice (and took a certain self-imposed honour to that) for being the one who moved away at 19 to go to college, then never returned to live back home, favouring the city over the suburbs, getting a tattoo (or 3), moving in with my partner without getting married (living in sin!), and making it well known that i do not follow the catholic faith.
and now i look at my awesome sister (newly preggers!) and her husband in the 'burbs, living near my parents, and how close they all are, and how my mum will be closer to my sis when she's had the baby, and i feel a twinge of green.
and here's me, in the city, with no car, wondering why my mother doesn't know anything about me.
and it's not that i suddenly want that life.
that was what i was desperately trying to escape (and succeeded).
after years (stupid ones, in retrospect) of trying to distance myself, i feel myself suddenly wanting to reconnect with family, and expecting that they'll suddenly understand me?
we're different.
i've always been close to my sister and my mom, but there's a certain closeness that comes from being there all the time. living the same life. my sister is probably closer to her friends than to me.
and my mum and dad are enjoying their child-free life now--they are entitled to that, after raising me for 20 years.
and i sit here and wonder why our values are so different.
i get upset over my mom not really paying attention, or my sister and her husband not coming to see me play my first show.
i get frustrated that they always complain that the city is just so far away, not convenient to get to at all, and yet they come down all the time to see hockey and baseball games.
and to get them to come down for my birthday dinner was a fight as they wanted me to go there (me, who has no car, on my birthday). and then they did, we had a wonderful dinner, and they all feel as if they've done their part. they're good for a year.
but really, what can i expect?
i was the one who moved away, i was the one who pushed away.
i was the one who chose to grow my own values.
i can't expect them to be the same.
~
Music to my ears: Slint
inspiration for list-makin
this post on this blog i've been enjoying as of late got me thinking about a half-finished post i wrote almost 3 years ago
i can add a little to the things i've done but never got around to finishing the compilation of things i still want to do and see.
i know i had said it would take a while to compile, but seriously, 3 years?
i am now inspired to finish that list.
that is my goal now that school is over....which i can add to my list of things i've done:
- finished 4 years of nursing school
- floated the elora gorge in an inner tube (which was scary because i got stuck in an eddy, my tube capsized and i went over the rapids...got a little scraped, bruised and shaken up)
- travelled the irish loop on the avalon peninsula of newfoundland by bicycle
- travelled to italy (and soon turkey!)
- improved my bass playing and started a band
1st list...things to do:
1. make the list
i can add a little to the things i've done but never got around to finishing the compilation of things i still want to do and see.
i know i had said it would take a while to compile, but seriously, 3 years?
i am now inspired to finish that list.
that is my goal now that school is over....which i can add to my list of things i've done:
- finished 4 years of nursing school
- floated the elora gorge in an inner tube (which was scary because i got stuck in an eddy, my tube capsized and i went over the rapids...got a little scraped, bruised and shaken up)
- travelled the irish loop on the avalon peninsula of newfoundland by bicycle
- travelled to italy (and soon turkey!)
- improved my bass playing and started a band
1st list...things to do:
1. make the list
4/14/09
fearing the worst
all sorts of images fly through my head with amazing speed and no clarity.
i can't keep up.
i see myself in front of my new employer, teary-eyed, saying "how's this for an introduction?"
i see me standing on the mountain side in turkey, lost in thought, sunshine on my face, a cool breeze (can't help the cliche shots)
i've spent the last 5 years of my life getting healthy, mentally & physically.
i'm just finishing a degree in a profession i can finally be content in.
i quit smoking.
i eat crazy healthy that i sometimes wonder if i'll sprout babies since i can't have any
it can't be that bad.
but the thoughts won't stop until the doc says what he's got to say.
happiness -- at last -- please don't deny me that.
i can't keep up.
i see myself in front of my new employer, teary-eyed, saying "how's this for an introduction?"
i see me standing on the mountain side in turkey, lost in thought, sunshine on my face, a cool breeze (can't help the cliche shots)
i've spent the last 5 years of my life getting healthy, mentally & physically.
i'm just finishing a degree in a profession i can finally be content in.
i quit smoking.
i eat crazy healthy that i sometimes wonder if i'll sprout babies since i can't have any
it can't be that bad.
but the thoughts won't stop until the doc says what he's got to say.
happiness -- at last -- please don't deny me that.
4/11/09
missing the motherland
the view from the top of Monte della Rocca, in Roccacasale (my dad's hometown), in the region of Abruzzo. the town is a comune in the province of L'Aquila.
the city of L'Aquila, which just suffered a devastating earthquake, is the capital of the province of its own name and also the capital of the region of Abruzzo.
all these little towns are nestled in the Apennine mountain range and no doubt felt the quake.
my dad's cousins are the only ones we really know still in the area...and thankfully they are okay.
4/7/09
god is dead...and we have killed him
i don't want to just make the best of things.
i don't believe in passive acceptance.
i want to do the best i can to make things better.
as much as i can--even if it's not much.
that's my will to power.
~
Music to my ears: The Weakerthans
i don't believe in passive acceptance.
i want to do the best i can to make things better.
as much as i can--even if it's not much.
that's my will to power.
~
Music to my ears: The Weakerthans
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