i think most people, when they start to feel a bit down, tend to try and pick themselves up, maybe some positive self talk, find people to make them happy, do "happy" things.
not me. no.
i tend to put on some standby sad music, on repeat, maybe go for a run, and wallow in my own self loathing and tears.
oh wintersleep, how you make that so easy with songs like this.
i kind of enjoy it for a little bit.
talking to nobody, sinking deeper into my thoughts.
often wondering how anybody is truly happy with the state of the world.
thinking that a vacation or being thin or having new kitchen cupboards will somehow make me feel better.
then realizing that material goods are only a temporary fix.
did low self esteem cause these thoughts or did it come as a result of this need for happiness?
we're all being duped.
happiness is created by the fat cats that created everything else in this world.
the inadequacies we feel are a result of being told how we're supposed to feel.
being told what we need in order to feel good. to feel "happy".
and when your fake expectations fall short, you feel like ass.
i am surrounded by so much beauty.
beauty that was not created by anybody in a suit.
that alone can remind me that where i am and who i surround myself with are the real reasons to be happy.
truly.
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