Ah mamma mia.
Death won’t come to me.
I’m ready.
And instead I’m suffering.
Why won’t it come?
I could be with my husband. My mother.
Mamma mia.
It’s not coming my way. It’s not coming for nothing.
Because what I have it doesn’t want. I have nothing for it.
It’s right here and it doesn’t want me.
Mamma mia.
I can’t do it anymore. I’m done.
I’m ready and it goes away.
Ah mamma mia.
When I see my mother again I’m going to get mad at her.
I’m going to say “why didn’t you come for me?”
Mamma mia.
I have to go home. I’ll pay a good price for it not to pass over me again.
Look here (pointing).
It’s here.
(translated into English by me --m.)
~
Music to my ears: Clint Mansell - The Fountain OST
1/26/09
1/21/09
to my sister
happy birthday lil sis.
~
music to my ears after a long day: hum - you'd prefer an astronaut
~
music to my ears after a long day: hum - you'd prefer an astronaut
1/20/09
1/18/09
conversations in a hospital #7
yesterday i was called in on a "how fast can you get here?" kinda call.
those ones always worry me, but also intrigue me in some twisted way.
i'm always expecting someone completely off the rails confused, or ripping tubes out of various orifices.
when i got to the floor, the clerk directed me to the pt's room. it was in the step-down unit.
step-down means the step between a critical care unit, like the ICU, and the actual unit they will end up on. usually it is a separate room on the same med/surg unit...but the ratio of RNs to pts is 1:2.
so immediately i thought i was in for a long day. it's very rarely we get called to be constant care for patients who pretty much have constant care from RNs.
this didn't end up being the case.
i spent the day with a wonderfully funny man, who was frustrated and did want to leave, but who wouldn't?
i later found out from his wife that the medication had made him really confused as everything he told me about all the money and land he had was not at all true.
he pulled it off pretty good though, i must say.
i thought he was joking when he kept asking me what other information i needed for the book i was writing on him. but it kept him talking.
and in between the confusion were nuggets of truth, wisdom and hilarity:
on being in a hospital gown:
"be careful in here. let 'em get a hold of your pants and you'll never see 'em again. i took my pants off over a month ago and haven't seen them since!"
speaking of foley catheters:
"you lose a lot in here. all i can do is lie here with a damn tube pullin on my bird"
on love & marriage:
"it's all whistles and bells until you have your first fight--then you're sitting there wondering "what's going on? we don't fight". then 10 mins later it's all forgotten about"
~
Music for a sunday morning: The Twilight Singers
those ones always worry me, but also intrigue me in some twisted way.
i'm always expecting someone completely off the rails confused, or ripping tubes out of various orifices.
when i got to the floor, the clerk directed me to the pt's room. it was in the step-down unit.
step-down means the step between a critical care unit, like the ICU, and the actual unit they will end up on. usually it is a separate room on the same med/surg unit...but the ratio of RNs to pts is 1:2.
so immediately i thought i was in for a long day. it's very rarely we get called to be constant care for patients who pretty much have constant care from RNs.
this didn't end up being the case.
i spent the day with a wonderfully funny man, who was frustrated and did want to leave, but who wouldn't?
i later found out from his wife that the medication had made him really confused as everything he told me about all the money and land he had was not at all true.
he pulled it off pretty good though, i must say.
i thought he was joking when he kept asking me what other information i needed for the book i was writing on him. but it kept him talking.
and in between the confusion were nuggets of truth, wisdom and hilarity:
on being in a hospital gown:
"be careful in here. let 'em get a hold of your pants and you'll never see 'em again. i took my pants off over a month ago and haven't seen them since!"
speaking of foley catheters:
"you lose a lot in here. all i can do is lie here with a damn tube pullin on my bird"
on love & marriage:
"it's all whistles and bells until you have your first fight--then you're sitting there wondering "what's going on? we don't fight". then 10 mins later it's all forgotten about"
~
Music for a sunday morning: The Twilight Singers
1/13/09
a return to the old...with a new me?
often when i'm standing in front of the sink washing dishes my mind wanders.
i don't know if it's the soothing feel of bubbles, or running water, but it's the only place where when my mind wanders it doesn't automatically wander to thoughts of school and stress and job stuff. it wanders to random thoughts, plucked from somewhere deep within my hippocampus...with some frontal lobe grey matter thrown in to add some emotion to the mix.
today i started to wonder if, as we get older, our parents know less and less about us.
okay, i was wondering about my mother is specifically.
i have not lived with my parents in about a decade or slightly more and i think of how much i feel i have changed during my tumultuous 20s (which is how, when i look back, i will forever fondly remember them as...has a nice ring to it, with a certain truthfulness...)
i mean, i talk to my mother almost on a daily basis, but often i think she's not listening to me...pre-occupied with some other task or thought...i often use the good ol' alien-baby-arm-fell-off trick--and surprisingly, it often works. so maybe she just hasn't been listening to me...i mean, really listening.
but then i think maybe my core hasn't changed so much...and so what if she's not interested in my recent endeavours? i'm just being a child--she's probably one of the only ones (along with my sis) who really knows me...just me.
~
Music to my ears: Baroness - red album
i don't know if it's the soothing feel of bubbles, or running water, but it's the only place where when my mind wanders it doesn't automatically wander to thoughts of school and stress and job stuff. it wanders to random thoughts, plucked from somewhere deep within my hippocampus...with some frontal lobe grey matter thrown in to add some emotion to the mix.
today i started to wonder if, as we get older, our parents know less and less about us.
okay, i was wondering about my mother is specifically.
i have not lived with my parents in about a decade or slightly more and i think of how much i feel i have changed during my tumultuous 20s (which is how, when i look back, i will forever fondly remember them as...has a nice ring to it, with a certain truthfulness...)
i mean, i talk to my mother almost on a daily basis, but often i think she's not listening to me...pre-occupied with some other task or thought...i often use the good ol' alien-baby-arm-fell-off trick--and surprisingly, it often works. so maybe she just hasn't been listening to me...i mean, really listening.
but then i think maybe my core hasn't changed so much...and so what if she's not interested in my recent endeavours? i'm just being a child--she's probably one of the only ones (along with my sis) who really knows me...just me.
~
Music to my ears: Baroness - red album
1/7/09
conversations in a hospital #6
i had the pleasure of spending my 12 hr shift today with a wonderfully funny older gentleman, who (sadly) suffers from severe copd and leukemia.
he is waiting for a place in palliative care.
in talking about stay at home moms (his daughter is one) he says:
"i think that's the way it should be. call me old-fashioned or traditional but a child needs their mother...at least for the formative years...every animal learns from its parents. if a baby fox was raised by a wolf, it wouldn't be a fox."
he also gave me one of the nicest compliments i've ever received:
"i wish i was going to be around when you're finally a nurse...you're going to be a great one. i'm sure of it."
(thanks mr. w...you will surely be missed)
he is waiting for a place in palliative care.
in talking about stay at home moms (his daughter is one) he says:
"i think that's the way it should be. call me old-fashioned or traditional but a child needs their mother...at least for the formative years...every animal learns from its parents. if a baby fox was raised by a wolf, it wouldn't be a fox."
he also gave me one of the nicest compliments i've ever received:
"i wish i was going to be around when you're finally a nurse...you're going to be a great one. i'm sure of it."
(thanks mr. w...you will surely be missed)
1/4/09
random writings on an old bookmark
22 American soldiers in Iraq committed suicide in 2005
Teen in Texas bitten by bat in his sleep, dies of rabies
i don't speak--you don't need to when society speaks for you.
mind-reading is highly overrated.
i talked to a hippie on the streetcar today.
"my that's a good book you're reading", i said.
and he shook his beard in agreement, like a horse's mane, and 3 sparrows flew out to perch on my coffee mug.
pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all.
Teen in Texas bitten by bat in his sleep, dies of rabies
i don't speak--you don't need to when society speaks for you.
mind-reading is highly overrated.
i talked to a hippie on the streetcar today.
"my that's a good book you're reading", i said.
and he shook his beard in agreement, like a horse's mane, and 3 sparrows flew out to perch on my coffee mug.
pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all.
1/2/09
happy 2009
best shows* that i saw in 2008:
1. saul williams @ the mod club
2. dub trio @ the el mocambo
3. baroness with bison b.c. @ lee's palace
4. slow.news.day @ rancho relaxo
5. battles @ lee's palace
6. tortoise @ the mod club
7. the reverend horton heat @ the mod club
honourable mentions†:
1. mogwai @ the phoenix
2. the gutter twins @ the mod club
3. the weakerthans @ nathan phillips square
*judged on the ability of the band to make me leave the show and proclaim "holy hell, that was f***ing awesome!" to anyone who would listen.
†bands made the honourable mention spot by either being one of my favourite bands to see live (ie/they always put on a good show it just didn't make me proclaim "holy hell, that was f***ing awesome!" to anyone who would listen) OR by containing musicians that i was super excited to see live (as is the case with the gutter twins' mark lanegan and greg dulli)
1. saul williams @ the mod club
2. dub trio @ the el mocambo
3. baroness with bison b.c. @ lee's palace
4. slow.news.day @ rancho relaxo
5. battles @ lee's palace
6. tortoise @ the mod club
7. the reverend horton heat @ the mod club
honourable mentions†:
1. mogwai @ the phoenix
2. the gutter twins @ the mod club
3. the weakerthans @ nathan phillips square
*judged on the ability of the band to make me leave the show and proclaim "holy hell, that was f***ing awesome!" to anyone who would listen.
†bands made the honourable mention spot by either being one of my favourite bands to see live (ie/they always put on a good show it just didn't make me proclaim "holy hell, that was f***ing awesome!" to anyone who would listen) OR by containing musicians that i was super excited to see live (as is the case with the gutter twins' mark lanegan and greg dulli)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
