i'll never know what it means to use

yesterday i got the call i've been waiting for.
one of my best friends is alive.
and has been through rehab. and has been clean for 3 months.
the last time i saw her she had dropped into my apartment to use the couch, borrow money and cry that she needed help.
and there was nothing i could do except comfort her, let her smoke crack on my deck, try to feed her (although all she would eat was reese's p.b. cups and chocolate milk).
i bought her cigarettes, and tried to get her to sleep.
crack makes you an insomniac.
i didn't want her to leave after 3 days but she had to. she was out of drugs. and i was exhausted. and she promised to enter rehab. but i never heard from her. and knew that entering rehab was a lofty goal at this point in time.
i prayed for her safety. i hoped she was alive.
and now i know she made it through.
and i don't know how she did it. i don't know what it's like. i can only imagine.