holden was my hero

moving means purging. especially moving to a place half the size of the previous, with double the books. it's time for my duplicate copy of The Catcher in the Rye to move on.
before it goes, a collection of underlined passages and dog-eared pages...

p. 87 - I'm always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
p. 92 - The thing is, most of the time when you're coming pretty close to doing it with a girl--a girl that isn't a prostitute or anything, I mean--she keeps telling you to stop. The trouble with me is, I stop. Most guys don't. I can't help it. You never know whether they really want you to stop, or whether they're just scared as hell, or whether they're just telling you to stop so that if you do go through with it, the blame'll be on you, not them. Anyway, I keep stopping.
p.110 - (can't remember why i ever dog-eared this page, here's a guess) All the two of them were eating for breakfast was toast and coffee. That depressed me. I hate it if I'm eating bacon and eggs or something and somebody else is only eating toast and coffee.
p. 121 - Nobody'd be different. The only thing that would be different would be you.
p. 123 - (a funny page about how boring most guys are)
p. 125 - (can't remember why this page was dog-eared)
p. 130-131 - (these 2 pages always made me sad because here was Holden saying that he hated things that most people are into and was only sticking around because of this girl and clearly she doesn't give a shit, and he realizes that she's just one of those people he hates) "Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like cars. I mean they don't even interest me. I'd rather have a goddamn horse. A horse is at least oldhuman, for God's sake. A horse you can at least--"
"I don't know what you're even talking about," old Sally said.
p. 139 - The part that got me was, there was a lady sitting next to me that cried all through the goddamn picture. The phonier it got, the more she cried. You'd have thought she did it because she was kindhearted as hell but I was sitting right next to her, and she wasn't. She had this little kid with her that was bored as hell and had to go to the bathroom, but she wouldn't take him. She kept telling him to sit still and behave himself. She was about as kindhearted as a goddamn wolf. You take somebody that cries their goddamn eyes out over phony stuff in the movies, and nine times out of ten they're mean bastards at heart. I'm not kidding.
p. 141 - (not sure whether I dog-eared this page because of the reference to The Great Gatsby or because of Holden saying he's glad the atomic bomb was invented)
p. 148-149 - (i think i just liked this whole conversation between Holden and Luce. it always seemed that whoever he actually did reach out to, didn't give a shit) "I can never get really sexy--I mean really sexy--with a girl I don't like a lot. I mean I have to like her a lot. If I don't, I sort of lose my goddamn desire for her and all. Boy, it really screws up my sex life something awful. My sex life stinks."
p. 158 - (?? maybe Holden sneaking around drunk made me laugh?)
p. 172-173 - (i love how he speaks of his little sister Phoebe. i think siblings, little sisters in particular, are the best at listening because family always knows who you really are)"...People never think anything is anything really. I'm getting goddam [sic] sick of it."
If somebody at least listens, it's not too bad.
p. 183 - (i think this dog-ear had to do with Holden saying how much more interesting it was when someone digressed as opposed to always sticking to the point)
p. 185 - "...I like it when somebody gets excited about something. It's nice...I mean, he'd keep telling you to unify and simplify all the time. Some things you just can't do that to. I mean you can't hardly ever simplify and unify something just because somebody wants you to..."
p. 188-189 - (again, no idea what i was thinking of at the time)
p. 196 - The thing is, if you get very depressed about something, it's hard as hell to swallow.
p. 197-199 - (i liked this part because Holden's having a great time with Phoebe and then has an anxiety attack when he realizes there's no stopping the evil in the world)
p. 201 - (i think i loved that Holden gets seriously pissed at whoever wrote fuck you on the wall of his sister's school. i think i loved that he gets so passionate about how kids might see it and then get twisted ideas of what it means. it was touching.)
p. 204 - I was the only one left in the tomb then. I sort of liked it, in a way. It was so nice and peaceful. Then, all of a sudden, you'd never guess what I saw on the wall. Another "Fuck you." It was written with a red crayon or something, right under the glass part of the wall, under the stones. That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose.
p. 207 & p. 211 - (not sure why I dog-eared these pages...maybe the touching brother-sister conversation?)
p. 213 - I mean how do you know what you're going to do till you do it? The answer is, you don't. I think I am, but how do I know?
p. 214 - (last lines) Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

I read that book four times. four times. and each time i was looking for something, anything. once for something that related to my troubled and over thinking teen years (just like Holden my hero)...maybe once in the search for a god...around the time i took a foray into the born again christian world...the search for bits of genius in '90s punk music, where every Pennywise lyric was written for me and my friends.
the search for inspiration in J.D. Salinger. being able to find meaning in his simplicity.
Holden Caulfield. i felt his pain. his indifference. his constant questioning.
the 4th and final time i read that book i knew our love affair was finally over.