vicarious trauma

this girl is one year younger than me and yet she seems 10.
yet sitting and listening to her, i shudder.
we share the same issues. the same financial stressors, the same relationship with food (bingeing and sneaking sweets or extra helpings...from who? don't know).
but i am on this side of the bed. in the chair. as if i'm the expert.
this is not to say i am more mature, or older in personality.
but, unlike her, i have no attachment issues.
there are stages in life which, at times, i struggled with. between these stages are periods of turmoil. (i am starting to see more and more why this theory appealed to me).
and i see how splitting from the parental units (for those of us blessed to have some) and becoming independent means having to create a sense of self. your own identity. it's confusing. i still struggle with the identity bit (i don't want to, but i do. maybe it's different when i'm aware of it?)
but breaking free can be stressful. especially when you're expected to live up to a social norm. or the norms are so embedded in your head that you truly believe there is no other way. when you don't fit into the mold, the ideology, you feel like a failure.

i've been there. i am there. still. sometimes.
what separates me from her? or her. or her...or her.
the fact that i don't think ending my life will solve it all. make it all go away.
i do cry sometimes when things don't work out, but i'm trying harder to laugh instead.
and although jon questioned me, and perhaps got frightened that i'm just going through every day coping with these stressors, i'm not. some days are worse than others.

and the fact that i know it. i know that i'm being pulled by society's strings. and i try hard to overcome that. and i have the most wonderful sounding board....who also likes to share after work pints of guinness and shots of jameson's.

~
Music to my ears: panda bear
Current food for thought: What is the What by Dave Eggers

In reality: No food for you
yeah, that's it...let's deal with our obesity problems by instead giving individuals mental health and affective disorders (ie: depression), because really, who cares about peoples' insides if they look good on the outside?